As I remember, it was some years ago I came across the Ig-Nobel Awards. At that time they were a rather localized bit of humor thought up by staffers of the University of Washington Columns humor magazine. Recently I noted it has a new home, Harvard University's Annals of Improbable Research Magazine, with real Nobel laureates handing out annual prizes and the Associated Press hyping the winners.
Winning projects this year were:
Three Japanese physicists tested whether banana peels are really as slippery as cartoons would have us believe.
A Canadian professor and five colleagues' study "Seeing Jesus In Toast" led them to trying to understand what happens to the brains of people who see human faces in pieces of toast.
Three psychologists attempted to find out if people who habitually stayed up and arose late tended to be more self-admiring, more manipulative and more psychopathic than people who habitually arose early.
Six public health figures investigated whether it is mentally hazardous to own a cat.
A dozen biologists carefully documented the fact that dogs align themselves with earth's magnetic field when defecating.
Three artists measured the relative pain people suffer when looking at an ugly painting, versus looking at a pretty painting, while a laser beam is aimed at their hand.
A Michigan doctor and three colleagues tried treating "uncontrollable" nosebleed with strips of cured pork stuffed into the nasal cavities of a child.
Two Norwegian biologists tested whether reindeer were frightened by humans dressed to resemble polar bears.
Four nutritionists studied using infant fecal bacteria as potential probiotic starter cultures for fermented sausages.
(For extended coverage see Associated Press, Sept. 19, 2014.)
Monday, September 29, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Who Writes Your Stuff, Rev? - Part 2
Churchmen have found a little humor goes a long way in reminding their parishioners about their duties to their church, as was seen in part 1. This is a continuation.
St. Andrew's Episcopal Church of Oceanside, NY, tried a soft sell variation advertisement in its parish bulletin: "Hold the square at the right (a blank printed square) to your face and blow on it. If it turns green, call your physician. If it turns brown, see your dentist. If it turns purple, see your psychiatrist. If it turns red, see your banker. If it turns black, call your lawyer and make a will. If it remains the same color, you are in good health, and there is no reason on earth why you should not be in church next Sunday morning.
Even after getting parishioners into the church pastors still have a problem outlined in the following two messages, handled slightly differently: 1) "Come early and get a back seat" stated one. 2) "Notice! We are giving up these back pews for Lent. For the Lord's sake, please sit up front," stated the other on a rope blocking off 13 rear pews.
Clergymen, being charitable in nature by calling, have been known to share especially productive messages, like St. John's Lutheran of El Cajon, CA, and the Firestone Assembly of God Church in Southgate, CA, which both used when green stamps were in vogue: "Redemption center--No stamps necessary."
On occasion messages have been shared with other denominations and creeds. A sign on a St. Louis church bulletin board, for example, read: "Merry Christmas to our Christian friends. Happy Hanukkah to our
Jewish friends. And to our Atheist friends--Good luck!"
Sometimes it is difficult to determine who is who and what, like in the Armed Forces. There everyone has patches and insignias and chevrons identifying everyone relatively completely, because dress is so standardized that it works against stand-out recognition of individual units of religion. Thus the chaplains at Phu Cat air base in South Vietnam, during the war, came up with a unique method of identification. In bold white letters on the side of their jeeps they printed "The God Squad".
Shortages in personnel happened to God's squads stateside occasionally, too. For a while several states were reporting a desperate need for priests. Things got so bad in Florida, in fact, a billboard was mounted at a busy intersection pleading: "White collar workers needed!"
A weather report, or a very hot weather warning, whichever way the reader wanted to take it, was posted by the First Assembly of God Church in El Paso, TX. It read: "You think it's hot HERE!..." And, in similar vein, the Rev. Paul Jewert of the Emory Methodist Church of Jersey City, NJ, during a record-shattering heat wave in that city, posted: "Now that you know how hot Hell is, what are you going to do about it?"
The answering quip for that one came from Perrysville, KY, where one church advertised: "Our auditorium is prayer conditioned!" Another church, under repair, kept its sermon short and to the point: "Renovating going on inside. How about you?"
St. Andrew's Episcopal Church of Oceanside, NY, tried a soft sell variation advertisement in its parish bulletin: "Hold the square at the right (a blank printed square) to your face and blow on it. If it turns green, call your physician. If it turns brown, see your dentist. If it turns purple, see your psychiatrist. If it turns red, see your banker. If it turns black, call your lawyer and make a will. If it remains the same color, you are in good health, and there is no reason on earth why you should not be in church next Sunday morning.
Even after getting parishioners into the church pastors still have a problem outlined in the following two messages, handled slightly differently: 1) "Come early and get a back seat" stated one. 2) "Notice! We are giving up these back pews for Lent. For the Lord's sake, please sit up front," stated the other on a rope blocking off 13 rear pews.
Clergymen, being charitable in nature by calling, have been known to share especially productive messages, like St. John's Lutheran of El Cajon, CA, and the Firestone Assembly of God Church in Southgate, CA, which both used when green stamps were in vogue: "Redemption center--No stamps necessary."
On occasion messages have been shared with other denominations and creeds. A sign on a St. Louis church bulletin board, for example, read: "Merry Christmas to our Christian friends. Happy Hanukkah to our
Jewish friends. And to our Atheist friends--Good luck!"
Sometimes it is difficult to determine who is who and what, like in the Armed Forces. There everyone has patches and insignias and chevrons identifying everyone relatively completely, because dress is so standardized that it works against stand-out recognition of individual units of religion. Thus the chaplains at Phu Cat air base in South Vietnam, during the war, came up with a unique method of identification. In bold white letters on the side of their jeeps they printed "The God Squad".
Shortages in personnel happened to God's squads stateside occasionally, too. For a while several states were reporting a desperate need for priests. Things got so bad in Florida, in fact, a billboard was mounted at a busy intersection pleading: "White collar workers needed!"
A weather report, or a very hot weather warning, whichever way the reader wanted to take it, was posted by the First Assembly of God Church in El Paso, TX. It read: "You think it's hot HERE!..." And, in similar vein, the Rev. Paul Jewert of the Emory Methodist Church of Jersey City, NJ, during a record-shattering heat wave in that city, posted: "Now that you know how hot Hell is, what are you going to do about it?"
The answering quip for that one came from Perrysville, KY, where one church advertised: "Our auditorium is prayer conditioned!" Another church, under repair, kept its sermon short and to the point: "Renovating going on inside. How about you?"
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Who Writes Your Stuff, Rev?
A person's religion, ordinarily, is no joking matter, but most pastors and other holy men are really pixies at heart, if we can judge from the following "signs" of religion posted at churches throughout the country. The churchman's philosophy, in fact, might be summed up in a short verse found on the wall of the Chester Cathedral in England:
"Give me some humor, Lord.
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some happiness in life,
And pass it on to other folk."
For illustration, take some of the signs posted by the pastor of the North Hollywood Christian Church. "Come in and get your faith lifted," stated one. "Are you praying more and enjoying it less?" asked another. Life is fragile; handle with prayer," admonished another.
In Oklahoma City was seen: "When in doubt, faith it!" In New York: Please come in and do an about faith." In Greendale, WI: "First come, first saved."
Tongue-in-cheek postings at other churches gently reminded parishioners of attendance lapses: "Visitors welcomed. Members expected" was the way a Clayton, IN, church did it. "Trespassers welcome" was the Bethany Lutheran of Ocean Bay way. And a Dolton, IL, one sported a large color-lighted sign one summer reading simply: "His Place". And, finally, a church bulletin board in Grand Rapids, MI, relayed the message: "We are open between Easter and Christmas," which, we suspect, meant much the same thing.
Seasonal specials have fronted a Buffalo, NY, church: "Stop here for your holiday spirits" and later: "All new sermons - No summer reruns!"
Occasionally pastors find more public platforms from which to get their messages across. For example, many newspaper columnists have found odd signs make good copy. One classic exchange happened when a Washington, DC Post writer mentioned that that year was blessed with three Fridays the 13th. A clergyman, upon reading this, immediately telephoned to remind him that there were also 53 Sundays that year.
Some clergymen prefer to take a more direct line, like: "Try one of our Sundays" , fronting a Clarkston, WA, tabernacle, or "The competition is terrific, but we're still open on Sundays" in front of a Nebraska church, or "We reserve the right to accept everybody" on the bulletin board of a New Jersey church.
Reverend John Lindsay of the Community Baptist Church of Medford, MA, was one of this more practical group too. In large type on his outdoor bulletin board he pleaded, "Wanted. Pew fillers. Apply Sunday 10:30 a.m." And attendance duly increased, so it evidently is true that it pays to advertise. Even if the ad is obfuscated a bit, like this one in the bulletin of a St. Louis, MO, church: "The acoustical properties of our sanctuary have been analyzed by our audio engineers and found to be needing more persons in the pews to absorb the reflected sound waves." Same message. Just took longer to say it.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Dating in the Silvertop Social Set, Part 3 (final)
Some personals adders seem to be looking for cheap household help. For example: "Need live-in chauffeur, good cook & housekeeper, good dancer, age 45-65, for companionship". Sounds a bit altruistic, doesn't it?
Most searchers, however, don't require anything out of the ordinary. Loneliness, as well as love, is a great beautifier. However, finding a trial companion is only the opening gambit. Orchestrating an actual date that will showcase both participants takes some ingenuity and thought. And, oh yeah, ground rules are needed, like who pays - the man, both share, take turns, the one who's better fixed financially, or the one who set up the date? This definitely should be set up beforehand. It may be a little embarrassing, but not as much as it could be later.
A Kansas man, back in the single scene after many years of marriage, said he had heard much about women's lib, but he was getting mixed messages. "When I invite a lady out, I expect to pay," he reported. "So, when a lady invites a gentleman out, shouldn't she pay?"
"When a woman invites me out I am complimented," reports another gent, "but I'm confused when I end up paying for the evening. Some of these women own their own businesses or have a profession where they can well afford to pick up the tab. One woman invited me out to dinner at a very nice restaurant but, when the check came, she said she didn't have any money. On another occasion, after the bill had been presented, the woman said, since she had invited me out, we should split the bill."
A similar complaint came from a 69-year-old divorced gentleman dating a 65-year-old widow. "Our relationship is good except for one thing," he said. "Whenever we go anywhere we have to go in my pickup truck, although she has a very nice late model auto. And, whenever we go out to eat or to a movie, I always pick up the tab, even though she told me her husband had left her 'very comfortable'. She dresses well and lives in a beautiful condo, which she paid cash for."
Another ground rule to get established quickly involves conduct, the conduct expected on both sides.
A Dear Abby submission asked, "Will you please tell me why most men think that, just because a woman is a widow, she is sex starved and ready to jump into bed with the first man who asks her? The minute they get me alone they have six hands. They say, 'All women like to be fondled and petted'. Why don't they realize that two people should get acquainted and, if they enjoy each other's company, perhaps in time sparks will fly? If not, back off. Why spoil a good friendship?"
Comic Helen Rowland had one answer: "Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever".
Rap a bit with seniors who are in the dating game and you get some interesting stories. One widow got 17 answers to her personals ad in a small town paper. One wrote back simply, "Give me a call". No information was given on himself at all. Another answer was someone she knew "and he lied like a rug about himself".
"One evidently just wanted someone to listen to his problems. He talked for two hours straight. Another respondent was on a kidney dialysis machine and, I'd had three years of that, thank you, with my husband before he died."
One of the several she actually dated met her at a cowboy bar outside of town, without telling her what sort of place it was so she could have dressed accordingly. He wore his black sombrero the entire evening, never even taking it off when he met her, plus cowboy boots and dirty jeans. He appeared at least 10 years older than he had said, and he swilled beer like it was going out of style all evening, adding more pendula to the beer belly already overhanging his belt.
He had visited another lady, in her home in another city, and they hit it off right away, well enough for him to invite her to visit him. But she showed up with a half-gallon of bourbon as her main luggage. It turned out she was well on her way to becoming an alcoholic, which she had been able to hide from him at her place. He didn't drink, however, so she knew she wouldn't have a stash at his place to tipple from.
He went to spend a day and evening with another widow and the first thing she insisted they do was to visit her workplace, even though it was her day off. Turned out she wanted to parade him around like a 'prize poodle', evidently to show her co-workers she could still snag a man. Then she wanted them to stay for lunch with co-workers in the company cafeteria.
Another ad answerer found an English matron with a 20-year-old son, both of whom where looking for American mates so they could stay in the United States. "Here we had just met," he stated, "but both of them got angry and abusive, yelling that I was trying to play games with them, when I tried to sidestep marriage talk.
Another dating deterrent story involved the friend of the person who told me. He showed up on my friend's doorstep one day unexpectedly. "Today's my wedding day!" was his greeting, accompanied by a long face.
"Where's your bride?" asked my friend.
"In Arizona," was the rejoinder. "In two months that we've been together that woman gave me more hell than my wife ever did in 20 years. So I came back home."
talk.
is a widow, she is sex starved and ready to jump into bed with ;the first man who askes
Most searchers, however, don't require anything out of the ordinary. Loneliness, as well as love, is a great beautifier. However, finding a trial companion is only the opening gambit. Orchestrating an actual date that will showcase both participants takes some ingenuity and thought. And, oh yeah, ground rules are needed, like who pays - the man, both share, take turns, the one who's better fixed financially, or the one who set up the date? This definitely should be set up beforehand. It may be a little embarrassing, but not as much as it could be later.
A Kansas man, back in the single scene after many years of marriage, said he had heard much about women's lib, but he was getting mixed messages. "When I invite a lady out, I expect to pay," he reported. "So, when a lady invites a gentleman out, shouldn't she pay?"
"When a woman invites me out I am complimented," reports another gent, "but I'm confused when I end up paying for the evening. Some of these women own their own businesses or have a profession where they can well afford to pick up the tab. One woman invited me out to dinner at a very nice restaurant but, when the check came, she said she didn't have any money. On another occasion, after the bill had been presented, the woman said, since she had invited me out, we should split the bill."
A similar complaint came from a 69-year-old divorced gentleman dating a 65-year-old widow. "Our relationship is good except for one thing," he said. "Whenever we go anywhere we have to go in my pickup truck, although she has a very nice late model auto. And, whenever we go out to eat or to a movie, I always pick up the tab, even though she told me her husband had left her 'very comfortable'. She dresses well and lives in a beautiful condo, which she paid cash for."
Another ground rule to get established quickly involves conduct, the conduct expected on both sides.
A Dear Abby submission asked, "Will you please tell me why most men think that, just because a woman is a widow, she is sex starved and ready to jump into bed with the first man who asks her? The minute they get me alone they have six hands. They say, 'All women like to be fondled and petted'. Why don't they realize that two people should get acquainted and, if they enjoy each other's company, perhaps in time sparks will fly? If not, back off. Why spoil a good friendship?"
Comic Helen Rowland had one answer: "Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever".
Rap a bit with seniors who are in the dating game and you get some interesting stories. One widow got 17 answers to her personals ad in a small town paper. One wrote back simply, "Give me a call". No information was given on himself at all. Another answer was someone she knew "and he lied like a rug about himself".
"One evidently just wanted someone to listen to his problems. He talked for two hours straight. Another respondent was on a kidney dialysis machine and, I'd had three years of that, thank you, with my husband before he died."
One of the several she actually dated met her at a cowboy bar outside of town, without telling her what sort of place it was so she could have dressed accordingly. He wore his black sombrero the entire evening, never even taking it off when he met her, plus cowboy boots and dirty jeans. He appeared at least 10 years older than he had said, and he swilled beer like it was going out of style all evening, adding more pendula to the beer belly already overhanging his belt.
Vice Versa
On the other hand, one male told me he had sat and listened for four hours to a widow talk about her paragon of a dead husband while she drank cup after cup of coffee and smoked cigarettes non-stop. "I couldn't get the subject changed no matter what I tried," he complained. "She had fixed a great dinner, but it wasn't worth that type of prisoner payback," he added.He had visited another lady, in her home in another city, and they hit it off right away, well enough for him to invite her to visit him. But she showed up with a half-gallon of bourbon as her main luggage. It turned out she was well on her way to becoming an alcoholic, which she had been able to hide from him at her place. He didn't drink, however, so she knew she wouldn't have a stash at his place to tipple from.
He went to spend a day and evening with another widow and the first thing she insisted they do was to visit her workplace, even though it was her day off. Turned out she wanted to parade him around like a 'prize poodle', evidently to show her co-workers she could still snag a man. Then she wanted them to stay for lunch with co-workers in the company cafeteria.
Another ad answerer found an English matron with a 20-year-old son, both of whom where looking for American mates so they could stay in the United States. "Here we had just met," he stated, "but both of them got angry and abusive, yelling that I was trying to play games with them, when I tried to sidestep marriage talk.
Another dating deterrent story involved the friend of the person who told me. He showed up on my friend's doorstep one day unexpectedly. "Today's my wedding day!" was his greeting, accompanied by a long face.
"Where's your bride?" asked my friend.
"In Arizona," was the rejoinder. "In two months that we've been together that woman gave me more hell than my wife ever did in 20 years. So I came back home."
Love by Degrees
In such situations an idea forwarded by one-time columnist L.M.'Boyd might be practical. "Single status," he stated, "should be recognized by degrees. You get your Bachelor of Singles degree four years after you have lived alone, supporting yourself. You can only sign up for Marriage Elementary if you have your Bachelors. Two years of that and you can get into Marriage Advanced to try to earn your Master of Matrimony degree. Seven years total are needed to gain your Doctor of Domesticity." I suppose Associate Degrees might be awarded those who only cohabit.
The person who wants to get into senior dating should use their friends for all they're worth. The more eyes you have looking out for you, the better your chances of finding the golden grail. Maybe among them will be a friend like the following.
This friend took his wife and recently widowed sister-in-law to a baseball game. As they got comfortable in their reserved seats, another gentleman and his young son entered and sat beside them. The first gent, who knew the second, introduced them to the ladies. The newcomer, as it turned out, was a widower and, as luck would dictate, he was seated next to the widow. And, during the course of the game, they began paying more attention to each other than to the game. Six months later they were making wedding plans. And, about then, the widow learned her brother-in-law had reserved all five seats and made sure the widow and widower were seated next to each other.
Blind dates don't usually work out that well. Blind dates, in fact, are a quick way to find out how little your friends and relatives really know about your likes and dislikes.
The hardest thing in life may be learning which bridges like this to cross and which to burn. But, one shouldn't give up because, if one waits, all that is going to happen is that one gets older. When you are six or seven today is forever and tomorrow is never. But, when you are 60 or 70, tomorrow is yesterday before you even know it was today!
talk.
is a widow, she is sex starved and ready to jump into bed with ;the first man who askes
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Dating in the Silvertop Social Set, Part 2
You may have seen the ads for computer-geared dating services which have sprung up like dandelions, with even AARP getting in on the matchmaking. These "services" have found, in the past few years, that there is a viable market in senior matchmaking, so the trend has exploded.
In little McCall, Idaho, for example, there is even a monthly newsletter especially for "outdoor singles" aged 19 to 90. In Lewiston, Idaho, near where I live, there is Dotty's Friendship Club for ages 18 to 80 (free photos taken), as well as a Christian Singles organization and a New-90s Singles group. The 18-to-80 and 19-to-90 limits seem a stretch of age overlap to me, with very different generations with not much in common and very different ideas about life and living. And I doubt it is set up that way to foster May-December type romances.
If you haven't read any personals columns, which have made their way from the trash mags to the general daily newspapers, and even a couple magazines (which formerly wouldn't print them), you have missed some imaginative and sometimes creative writing. Suffice it to say, most of us see ourselves in a much better light than others might, so we may tend to tell our profiles like we would like them to be.
The original reason for regular newspapers not printing personals, I understand from my research, goes back to the turn of the century when Bells Poulsdatter Sorensen Gunns (nee Grunt) of LaPorte, IN, reportedly killed 16 (known) victims who had answered her lovelorn ads in the Personals Column. Now, however, such columns are needed additional advertising revenue and few newspapers can afford to turn that down anymore, no matter how it is packaged.
Personal ads may often be facetiously called "desperation dating", but the fact is they often work! I talked with several people who had submitted such ads, and read a lot more of them, to see how people package themselves. Ads ran the gamut.
Some people were looking for perfection: "STOP. This could be your opportunity. DWF (ad shorthand for "Divorced White Female") looking for gentleman 45-60 who is kind, humorous, thoughtful, neat, adventurous...looking for permanent situation." or "Mature black female, considered attractive, great personality, talented, honest, kind, sincere, faithful, monogamous, self-employed, likes the better things in life. Would like to meet a gentleman 60-69 with same qualities, plus neat, healthy, intelligent,wears great looking shoes".
Others haven't been so particular: "Wanted--alive and active, a gentle man, non-smoker, for happy, loving lady of 50 with sense of humor. Shining armor and white horse optional". Or "One is the loneliest number there ever is. If you are a lonely lady 65-95 please call this lonely old man, which has slowed considerably with arthritis. We can be telephone friends, maybe more". Or "Attention gentle man, 45-55, who is alive. Baby bird soon to fly nest; happy, fun-loving mom with sense of humor looking for non-smoker who likes outdoors, traveling, movies, cooking, country music".
Some use wry humor to catch attention: NICE PEOPLE DON'T RUN PERSONAL ADS, I thought. Why not? I'll take a chance if you will.". Or "Hi. Are you out there? Can't find you!...Please find me". Or "Hey, Grandma, why don't you call a grandpa and maybe we could break the lonely cycle, exchange experiences, a few laughs".
Some are pretty pragmatic: "Bachelor, mid-50s, retired, basically mild-mannered stay-at-home type, non-smoker and drinker, not much on sports, 20 pounds overweight, likes the simple things, work around the home, cards, dinner and some travel. Sound boring, huh? Looking for a lady about the same age with mild, pleasant, positive attitude, that's interested in the above for hopefully a permanent relationship".
Some just like to travel, not alone: "Retired 55-year-old looking for tull time RV traveler. I'm seeking a good looking lady to travel with, who doesn't smoke or drink, and will share expenses".
(To be continued.)
In little McCall, Idaho, for example, there is even a monthly newsletter especially for "outdoor singles" aged 19 to 90. In Lewiston, Idaho, near where I live, there is Dotty's Friendship Club for ages 18 to 80 (free photos taken), as well as a Christian Singles organization and a New-90s Singles group. The 18-to-80 and 19-to-90 limits seem a stretch of age overlap to me, with very different generations with not much in common and very different ideas about life and living. And I doubt it is set up that way to foster May-December type romances.
If you haven't read any personals columns, which have made their way from the trash mags to the general daily newspapers, and even a couple magazines (which formerly wouldn't print them), you have missed some imaginative and sometimes creative writing. Suffice it to say, most of us see ourselves in a much better light than others might, so we may tend to tell our profiles like we would like them to be.
The original reason for regular newspapers not printing personals, I understand from my research, goes back to the turn of the century when Bells Poulsdatter Sorensen Gunns (nee Grunt) of LaPorte, IN, reportedly killed 16 (known) victims who had answered her lovelorn ads in the Personals Column. Now, however, such columns are needed additional advertising revenue and few newspapers can afford to turn that down anymore, no matter how it is packaged.
Personal ads may often be facetiously called "desperation dating", but the fact is they often work! I talked with several people who had submitted such ads, and read a lot more of them, to see how people package themselves. Ads ran the gamut.
Some people were looking for perfection: "STOP. This could be your opportunity. DWF (ad shorthand for "Divorced White Female") looking for gentleman 45-60 who is kind, humorous, thoughtful, neat, adventurous...looking for permanent situation." or "Mature black female, considered attractive, great personality, talented, honest, kind, sincere, faithful, monogamous, self-employed, likes the better things in life. Would like to meet a gentleman 60-69 with same qualities, plus neat, healthy, intelligent,wears great looking shoes".
Others haven't been so particular: "Wanted--alive and active, a gentle man, non-smoker, for happy, loving lady of 50 with sense of humor. Shining armor and white horse optional". Or "One is the loneliest number there ever is. If you are a lonely lady 65-95 please call this lonely old man, which has slowed considerably with arthritis. We can be telephone friends, maybe more". Or "Attention gentle man, 45-55, who is alive. Baby bird soon to fly nest; happy, fun-loving mom with sense of humor looking for non-smoker who likes outdoors, traveling, movies, cooking, country music".
Some use wry humor to catch attention: NICE PEOPLE DON'T RUN PERSONAL ADS, I thought. Why not? I'll take a chance if you will.". Or "Hi. Are you out there? Can't find you!...Please find me". Or "Hey, Grandma, why don't you call a grandpa and maybe we could break the lonely cycle, exchange experiences, a few laughs".
Some are pretty pragmatic: "Bachelor, mid-50s, retired, basically mild-mannered stay-at-home type, non-smoker and drinker, not much on sports, 20 pounds overweight, likes the simple things, work around the home, cards, dinner and some travel. Sound boring, huh? Looking for a lady about the same age with mild, pleasant, positive attitude, that's interested in the above for hopefully a permanent relationship".
Some just like to travel, not alone: "Retired 55-year-old looking for tull time RV traveler. I'm seeking a good looking lady to travel with, who doesn't smoke or drink, and will share expenses".
(To be continued.)
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Dating in the Silvertop Social Set: Part 1
Sigmund Freud once listed "work" as one of two necessities of mankind. And the other was "love".
Now, sooner or later, we all become senior citizens and, eventually, silvertop singles, almost automatically making both those statuses problems. Since we do retire from jobs, however, "love" gets the most attention.
Then, having enjoyed love once, we may want to know how many times we can fall in love. Statisticians claim they can verify averages of the past dozen years with some accuracy. I must admit I wondered what "average" would mean in the area of romance. Nevertheless, they reported, at least for the American female, 4.8 times to be typical (average). This also left me wondering how you may be .8 times in love. But to continue.
If it is the wife who outlives the husband, his death does not seem to affect her longevity, according to another report. But, if the reverse is true, the death of the wife does considerably shorten the further life of the widower...unless he remarries right away. This seems something to keep in mind by both sexes of the silvertop social set should they remain a second time in the matrimonial marketplace.
Another study, funded by AARP at the Ohio State-Newark campus has shown us that the popular idea of the "grieving widow" is not universally true. Women over 50, who have been widowed an average of 12 years, are as satisfied and optimistic about their lives as married women in the same age groups, it showed. "Older widows (no mention was made of older divorcees) are survivors," stated Sara Staats, the PhD. who authored the study. "They've adjusted to their changed lives and know they can get along. This in spite of lower incomes and less education than the married women (in the study group of 61 widows and 9 married women aged 50 through 91).
The oldest widows in the group - those over 65 - were also the busiest, it was discovered. They seemingly had developed social networks that compensated for the loss of their husbands to a more or lesser degree. "If you expect the worst, you're opening the door to it," stated one lady. "Open the door to the best instead and prepare for that!"
Much the same was once stated by French author Andre Maurois: Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form."
Not everyone has the same opportunities, of course. At one time widows often ran boarding houses because it was about the only way they had of making their own living then. The advantage in this was that they could live under the same roof with several men at a time, legally and without gossip, and if they found one they could put up with they could marry again. This was rather like comedian Milton Berle once commented, "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
A Dear Abby letter once reiterated this social search idea also, but in a different way. It was from a man.He asked about these women who complain that they can't find a man. "What do they expect us men to do, read their minds? How are we supposed to know which women want us to approach them and which ones don't want to be bothered?"
"Some women complain because they can't go into a bar and have a drink without some man bothering them. How are gentlemen supposed to tell these women apart? It used to be that women who didn't wish to be bothered wore wedding rings. But that doesn't work any more. Single women often wear wedding rings and some married women take theirs off.
"These women who complain probably pass by men every day who are unattached and would be right for them. But the more decent a man is, theless likely he is to approach a woman he doesn't know.Too bad women no longer drop handkerchiefs. Both men and women need a non-verbal way to break the ice.
Abbys answer was pure common sense. "There is a way. It's been around a very long time. It's called a smile."
Where does one go to try out that smile? Everywhere: bars, church activities, adult education classes, bowling, the supermarket or laundromat, self-service restaurants, card parties, company picnics, dance classes or square dance organizations, AARP safe driving classes, senior centers, school reunions! All good possibilities. Just try to remember you aren't going to meet a winner every time out. And there are drawbacks.
For example, I've discovered there is no such thing as a "visit" to a church. They want you for life. Go bowling and you may actually be expected to knock down pins. At senior centers the talk is often limited to detailed one-uppings of aches, pains and operations. A laundromat? Who wants to date someone who can't afford a washer-dryer? And at school reunions people are usually having more fun remembering what they did that what they are doing, probably wishing they were now what they were when they wanted to be what they are now.
There are exceptions. Dear Abby ran a number of both pro and con experiences from reunions. The most memorable of what could happen involved a lady going to her 20th high school reunion, who very much wanted to see the special guy she dated as a senior. But he didn't attend. The reunion committee listed him as "Not located".
At the time, they had had a spat and drifted apart. But they kept in touch, even after both married, via Christmas cards, until they lost touch.She was now divorced three years, after a rocky marriage, and assumed he would still be married.Nevertheless she tracked him down, phoned and found he had been divorced for ten years and had tried to locate her. Turned out he still had strong feelings for her too.They were married within the month.
(To be continued.)
Now, sooner or later, we all become senior citizens and, eventually, silvertop singles, almost automatically making both those statuses problems. Since we do retire from jobs, however, "love" gets the most attention.
Then, having enjoyed love once, we may want to know how many times we can fall in love. Statisticians claim they can verify averages of the past dozen years with some accuracy. I must admit I wondered what "average" would mean in the area of romance. Nevertheless, they reported, at least for the American female, 4.8 times to be typical (average). This also left me wondering how you may be .8 times in love. But to continue.
If it is the wife who outlives the husband, his death does not seem to affect her longevity, according to another report. But, if the reverse is true, the death of the wife does considerably shorten the further life of the widower...unless he remarries right away. This seems something to keep in mind by both sexes of the silvertop social set should they remain a second time in the matrimonial marketplace.
Another study, funded by AARP at the Ohio State-Newark campus has shown us that the popular idea of the "grieving widow" is not universally true. Women over 50, who have been widowed an average of 12 years, are as satisfied and optimistic about their lives as married women in the same age groups, it showed. "Older widows (no mention was made of older divorcees) are survivors," stated Sara Staats, the PhD. who authored the study. "They've adjusted to their changed lives and know they can get along. This in spite of lower incomes and less education than the married women (in the study group of 61 widows and 9 married women aged 50 through 91).
The oldest widows in the group - those over 65 - were also the busiest, it was discovered. They seemingly had developed social networks that compensated for the loss of their husbands to a more or lesser degree. "If you expect the worst, you're opening the door to it," stated one lady. "Open the door to the best instead and prepare for that!"
Much the same was once stated by French author Andre Maurois: Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form."
Not everyone has the same opportunities, of course. At one time widows often ran boarding houses because it was about the only way they had of making their own living then. The advantage in this was that they could live under the same roof with several men at a time, legally and without gossip, and if they found one they could put up with they could marry again. This was rather like comedian Milton Berle once commented, "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
A Dear Abby letter once reiterated this social search idea also, but in a different way. It was from a man.He asked about these women who complain that they can't find a man. "What do they expect us men to do, read their minds? How are we supposed to know which women want us to approach them and which ones don't want to be bothered?"
"Some women complain because they can't go into a bar and have a drink without some man bothering them. How are gentlemen supposed to tell these women apart? It used to be that women who didn't wish to be bothered wore wedding rings. But that doesn't work any more. Single women often wear wedding rings and some married women take theirs off.
"These women who complain probably pass by men every day who are unattached and would be right for them. But the more decent a man is, theless likely he is to approach a woman he doesn't know.Too bad women no longer drop handkerchiefs. Both men and women need a non-verbal way to break the ice.
Abbys answer was pure common sense. "There is a way. It's been around a very long time. It's called a smile."
Where does one go to try out that smile? Everywhere: bars, church activities, adult education classes, bowling, the supermarket or laundromat, self-service restaurants, card parties, company picnics, dance classes or square dance organizations, AARP safe driving classes, senior centers, school reunions! All good possibilities. Just try to remember you aren't going to meet a winner every time out. And there are drawbacks.
For example, I've discovered there is no such thing as a "visit" to a church. They want you for life. Go bowling and you may actually be expected to knock down pins. At senior centers the talk is often limited to detailed one-uppings of aches, pains and operations. A laundromat? Who wants to date someone who can't afford a washer-dryer? And at school reunions people are usually having more fun remembering what they did that what they are doing, probably wishing they were now what they were when they wanted to be what they are now.
There are exceptions. Dear Abby ran a number of both pro and con experiences from reunions. The most memorable of what could happen involved a lady going to her 20th high school reunion, who very much wanted to see the special guy she dated as a senior. But he didn't attend. The reunion committee listed him as "Not located".
At the time, they had had a spat and drifted apart. But they kept in touch, even after both married, via Christmas cards, until they lost touch.She was now divorced three years, after a rocky marriage, and assumed he would still be married.Nevertheless she tracked him down, phoned and found he had been divorced for ten years and had tried to locate her. Turned out he still had strong feelings for her too.They were married within the month.
(To be continued.)
Saturday, June 7, 2014
THINK ABOUT IT!
Geezer friends of mine on occasion have extolled pretty good bits of park bench humor and wisdom. Recently one of them, looking around our morning kaffee klatch, came up with "Time is a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician!" Another one shot right back, reiterating, "Yah, time has sneaked up on us all like a windshield on a bug!"
After sharing the resultant group chuckle, i got to wondering what other thought gems I might discover if I paid more attention to what people say and what they pass on in their writings. And it turned out to be golden research. Check out my treasure hunt findings.
So much of what you are not is because you are standing in your own way of becoming.
People who don't plan for the future have to live through it anyway.
The difference between a beautiful person and a charming person is that you notice the beautiful person, but the charming person notices you. --Conrad Fiorello
People wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
A hypochondriac usually suffers in every way except in silence.
Those who often jump to conclusions land in ignorance.
What we need is a good diet shampoo for use by fat heads!
If you do a good deed, be sure to get a receipt, just in case heaven is like the IRS.
Happiness is good health and bad memory.
The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us. - -Ashley Montagu
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
Many candles may be lighted from a single one and the life of that one will not be diminished.
People who say "it can't be done" are usually interrupted by those doing it.
After sharing the resultant group chuckle, i got to wondering what other thought gems I might discover if I paid more attention to what people say and what they pass on in their writings. And it turned out to be golden research. Check out my treasure hunt findings.
So much of what you are not is because you are standing in your own way of becoming.
People who don't plan for the future have to live through it anyway.
The difference between a beautiful person and a charming person is that you notice the beautiful person, but the charming person notices you. --Conrad Fiorello
People wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
A hypochondriac usually suffers in every way except in silence.
Those who often jump to conclusions land in ignorance.
What we need is a good diet shampoo for use by fat heads!
If you do a good deed, be sure to get a receipt, just in case heaven is like the IRS.
Happiness is good health and bad memory.
The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us. - -Ashley Montagu
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
Many candles may be lighted from a single one and the life of that one will not be diminished.
People who say "it can't be done" are usually interrupted by those doing it.
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