Sigmund Freud once listed "work" as one of two necessities of mankind. And the other was "love".
Now, sooner or later, we all become senior citizens and, eventually, silvertop singles, almost automatically making both those statuses problems. Since we do retire from jobs, however, "love" gets the most attention.
Then, having enjoyed love once, we may want to know how many times we can fall in love. Statisticians claim they can verify averages of the past dozen years with some accuracy. I must admit I wondered what "average" would mean in the area of romance. Nevertheless, they reported, at least for the American female, 4.8 times to be typical (average). This also left me wondering how you may be .8 times in love. But to continue.
If it is the wife who outlives the husband, his death does not seem to affect her longevity, according to another report. But, if the reverse is true, the death of the wife does considerably shorten the further life of the widower...unless he remarries right away. This seems something to keep in mind by both sexes of the silvertop social set should they remain a second time in the matrimonial marketplace.
Another study, funded by AARP at the Ohio State-Newark campus has shown us that the popular idea of the "grieving widow" is not universally true. Women over 50, who have been widowed an average of 12 years, are as satisfied and optimistic about their lives as married women in the same age groups, it showed. "Older widows (no mention was made of older divorcees) are survivors," stated Sara Staats, the PhD. who authored the study. "They've adjusted to their changed lives and know they can get along. This in spite of lower incomes and less education than the married women (in the study group of 61 widows and 9 married women aged 50 through 91).
The oldest widows in the group - those over 65 - were also the busiest, it was discovered. They seemingly had developed social networks that compensated for the loss of their husbands to a more or lesser degree. "If you expect the worst, you're opening the door to it," stated one lady. "Open the door to the best instead and prepare for that!"
Much the same was once stated by French author Andre Maurois: Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form."
Not everyone has the same opportunities, of course. At one time widows often ran boarding houses because it was about the only way they had of making their own living then. The advantage in this was that they could live under the same roof with several men at a time, legally and without gossip, and if they found one they could put up with they could marry again. This was rather like comedian Milton Berle once commented, "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
A Dear Abby letter once reiterated this social search idea also, but in a different way. It was from a man.He asked about these women who complain that they can't find a man. "What do they expect us men to do, read their minds? How are we supposed to know which women want us to approach them and which ones don't want to be bothered?"
"Some women complain because they can't go into a bar and have a drink without some man bothering them. How are gentlemen supposed to tell these women apart? It used to be that women who didn't wish to be bothered wore wedding rings. But that doesn't work any more. Single women often wear wedding rings and some married women take theirs off.
"These women who complain probably pass by men every day who are unattached and would be right for them. But the more decent a man is, theless likely he is to approach a woman he doesn't know.Too bad women no longer drop handkerchiefs. Both men and women need a non-verbal way to break the ice.
Abbys answer was pure common sense. "There is a way. It's been around a very long time. It's called a smile."
Where does one go to try out that smile? Everywhere: bars, church activities, adult education classes, bowling, the supermarket or laundromat, self-service restaurants, card parties, company picnics, dance classes or square dance organizations, AARP safe driving classes, senior centers, school reunions! All good possibilities. Just try to remember you aren't going to meet a winner every time out. And there are drawbacks.
For example, I've discovered there is no such thing as a "visit" to a church. They want you for life. Go bowling and you may actually be expected to knock down pins. At senior centers the talk is often limited to detailed one-uppings of aches, pains and operations. A laundromat? Who wants to date someone who can't afford a washer-dryer? And at school reunions people are usually having more fun remembering what they did that what they are doing, probably wishing they were now what they were when they wanted to be what they are now.
There are exceptions. Dear Abby ran a number of both pro and con experiences from reunions. The most memorable of what could happen involved a lady going to her 20th high school reunion, who very much wanted to see the special guy she dated as a senior. But he didn't attend. The reunion committee listed him as "Not located".
At the time, they had had a spat and drifted apart. But they kept in touch, even after both married, via Christmas cards, until they lost touch.She was now divorced three years, after a rocky marriage, and assumed he would still be married.Nevertheless she tracked him down, phoned and found he had been divorced for ten years and had tried to locate her. Turned out he still had strong feelings for her too.They were married within the month.
(To be continued.)
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