Back in the 1940s most universities of any size sponsored their own humor magazines, published through the efforts of student staffs. These were pretty much published for in-house sale - students, staff, friends, relatives and, if good enough, for
other universities’ humor magazines’ staffers to plagiarize.
Recently, in a file cleaning out (my four four-drawer files extends back to those days when I was an aspiring journalism major), I unearthed the notebook holding this compilation of amateurish “poetry”. And I found these simple rhymes worth a few smiles. Especially several that showed things aren’t always as they seem. I love surprise endings and I thought you readers might too.
FRUSTRATION
“Help,” the old maid hollered,
As, at the door, she struck.
“A man is breaking in my house
But, oh, the lock is stuck!”
Back in the 1940s most universities of any size sponsored their own humor magazines, published through the efforts of student staffs. These were pretty much published for in-house sale - students, staff, friends, relatives and, if good enough, for other universities’ humor magazines’ staffers to plagiarize.
Recently, in a file cleaning out (my four four-drawer files extends back to those days when I was an aspiring journalism major), I unearthed the notebook holding this compilation of amateurish “poetry”. And I found these simple rhymes worth a few smiles. Especially several that showed things aren’t always as they seem. I love surprise endings.
FRUSTRATION
“Help,” the old maid hollered,
As, at the door, she struck.
“A man is breaking in my house
But, oh, the lock is stuck!”
A BOY’S FIRST LOVE
He felt her tremble
As he pressed his lips to hers.
She buried her face in his shoulder
Then raised her eyes to his.
His arms were unsteady
Around her trembling shoulders.
He felt her tremble
As he pressed his lips to hers.
She buried her face in his shoulder
Then raised her eyes to his.
His arms were unsteady
Around her trembling shoulders.
Their world was shaken to its foundations;
She saw his firm jaw loosen and twitch.
A convulsive shudder passed over her.
“Darn it,” she said, “Why don’t you turn off your motor?
“This rattletrap is shaking my teeth out!”
She saw his firm jaw loosen and twitch.
A convulsive shudder passed over her.
“Darn it,” she said, “Why don’t you turn off your motor?
“This rattletrap is shaking my teeth out!”
TEASER
She leaned forward,
Her brown eyes pleading,
Her carmine lips upturned,
Her cheeks tinged with pink…
Pursed and small!
Her throat was white and soft,
Her arms extended --
Boy, what a magazine cover!
She leaned forward,
Her brown eyes pleading,
Her carmine lips upturned,
Her cheeks tinged with pink…
Pursed and small!
Her throat was white and soft,
Her arms extended --
Boy, what a magazine cover!
THE PERFECT WOMAN
She doesn’t drink;
She never smokes;
She never even spends
Her quarters on Cokes!
She doesn’t drink;
She never smokes;
She never even spends
Her quarters on Cokes!
She doesn’t like
To stay out late;
She’d rather sleep
Than have a date!
To stay out late;
She’d rather sleep
Than have a date!
She doesn’t neck;
She doesn’t pet;
In fact, she doesn’t even
Walk as yet!
She doesn’t pet;
In fact, she doesn’t even
Walk as yet!
PAST PERFECT
The moon was yellow, and the lane was bright
As she turned to me, in the autumn night.
And every gesture and every glance
Gave me a hint that she craved romance.
I stammered, I stuttered, and time went by
For the moon was yellow, and so was I!
The moon was yellow, and the lane was bright
As she turned to me, in the autumn night.
And every gesture and every glance
Gave me a hint that she craved romance.
I stammered, I stuttered, and time went by
For the moon was yellow, and so was I!
NO DRILL
He tilted
Her lovely head
Towards him
And bent over
Her expectant mouth.
He tilted
Her lovely head
Towards him
And bent over
Her expectant mouth.
He gazed intently
At her for a moment,
Then said softly,
“I’m going to have to
Pull that tooth!”
At her for a moment,
Then said softly,
“I’m going to have to
Pull that tooth!”
MOONSTRUCK:
Jack and Jill went up a hill
Upon a moonlight ride.
When Jack came back
One eye was black.
His pal, you see, had lied!
Jack and Jill went up a hill
Upon a moonlight ride.
When Jack came back
One eye was black.
His pal, you see, had lied!
AIN’T THAT JUST LIKE A WOMAN?
She took my hand in sheltered nooks;
She took my candy and my books;
She took that lustrous wrap of fur;
She took those gloves I bought for her.
She took my hand in sheltered nooks;
She took my candy and my books;
She took that lustrous wrap of fur;
She took those gloves I bought for her.
She took my words of love and care;
She took my flowers rich and rare;
She took my time for quite a while;
She took my kisses with a smile.
She took my flowers rich and rare;
She took my time for quite a while;
She took my kisses with a smile.
She took, I must confess, my eye,
And took whatever I might buy,
Then she took (sigh)
Another guy!
And took whatever I might buy,
Then she took (sigh)
Another guy!
MAY I?
Here I sit and fuss and fret
While my seat is getting wet.
It’s enough to make me fume --
“Teacher, can’t I leave the room?”
Here I sit and fuss and fret
While my seat is getting wet.
It’s enough to make me fume --
“Teacher, can’t I leave the room?”
Why delay me when you know
That I simply have to go?
“Really, teacher, I’m not feigning.
My car top is down and it is raining!”
That I simply have to go?
“Really, teacher, I’m not feigning.
My car top is down and it is raining!”
SKIN DEEP
She’s a pretty little wench,
Sitting there upon the bench
Looking very coy and shy
At every passing college guy.
Such titillating eyes,
Concentric thighs…
It’s too darn bad
She’s bald!
She’s a pretty little wench,
Sitting there upon the bench
Looking very coy and shy
At every passing college guy.
Such titillating eyes,
Concentric thighs…
It’s too darn bad
She’s bald!
MORE FRUSTRATION
When you started reading this
You thought it
Was a poem.
By now you see
You were quite mistaken.
But, isn’t it funny
How people will continue
To read something
Even when they know
They’re being fooled?
When you started reading this
You thought it
Was a poem.
By now you see
You were quite mistaken.
But, isn’t it funny
How people will continue
To read something
Even when they know
They’re being fooled?
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