I shared the best golf joke ever with readers of my 1998 book Offbeat Golf - still available incidentally from Santa Monica (California) Press - but, even if you did read it there, don't stop me, because I want to enjoy it again anyhow. Because it is THE classic "hustle"!
It involves two very well-known gentlemen, Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods. I can't speak for the veracity of the story, but that is of little consequence.
Stevie and Tiger meet in a restaurant where they are both having dinner. Tiger politely asks Stevie, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's your golf?"
Tiger also replies, "Not too bad. I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."
Keeping the conversation going, Stevie says, "I always find that when my golf swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Surprised, Tiger asks, "You play golf?"
Stevie answers, "Oh, sure. I've been playing for years."
Tiger asks, "But you're blind. How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie says, "I have my caddy stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him. Then, when I get to where the ball has landed, the caddy moves further down the fairway or to the green and again I play the ball toward the voice."
"But how do you putt?" Tiger wants to know.
'Well," explains Stevie, "I have my caddy lean down in front of the hole and call to me, with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball toward his voice."
Woods, curious how this works, asks, "What's your handicap?"
"Well, I'm a scratch golfer," Stevie says.
Tiger, more amazed than ever, says, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, never for less than $1,000 a hole."
Tiger grins as if that is a joke, and replies, "I'm for that. When would you like to ;play?"
"Pick a night!" says Stevie.
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