The best jokes I've heard this week are not all new, but don't stop me telling them because I want to hear those recycled ones again myself anyway. As you readers know by now, I love surprise endings.
1) There was a papa mole, a mama mole and a baby mole living in a hole in the country near a farmhouse. One morning papa mole poked his head out of the hole, sniffed and said, "Mama, I smell sausages."
So mama mole poked her head out of the hole, sniffed and said, "Mmmm, and I smell pancakes too."
So baby mole tried to stick his head out of the hole to sniff, but he couldn't because papa and mama moles were blocking the whole hole. And he complained, "The only thing I can small is molasses!"
2) The little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give the old lady she had seen in the park. Her mother was touched that her child was kind enough to want to share. So she gave the child the dollar.
"There you are, darling," said mama. "But isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh, yes," the girl replied, "She sells candy."
3) Jerry met the pastor at the church door after services. "You know, Reverend, I'm in a quandary. I want to attend church next Sunday, but I just can't miss the big game. You understand, don't you?" "But, Jerry," the pastor remonstrated, "don't you know that's what DVRs are for?"
A big smile lit up Jerry's face. "You mean I can record your sermon?"
4) My neighbor was talking to her four-year old daughter, Amy, about a group of relatives from Wisconsin, who were going to visit them. Amy, remembering a previous visit, complained about their accent, saying she couldn't understand them, that they talked as though their noses were plugged up.
"Well, they think we talk funny, that we have an accent too," answered her mother. "Everyone from different places talk in different ways. They think we talk funny, too, that we talk very slow with all our words drawn way out."
Amy's eyes got big and she said she understood. "You mean they hear funny too?"
5) A flight attendant, during a cross-country flight about 50 minutes outbound from Los Angeles, nervously announced, "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard today and only 40 dinners to serve."
When the passengers' muttering had died down enough for her to continue, she added, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his or her meal for someone else will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."
An hour later she made another announcement. "If anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 29 dinners available!"
6) As happens eventually in all families, the small boy was asking his father how people came to be. After a pause to gather his lines,the dad said,"There was Adam and Eve to begin with, and they had babies, and their children grew up and had babies, just like today."
That didn't jibe with what a neighbor boy had told him, so he went to his mother and asked the same question.
"We were all monkeys,"mom said and we evolved to become the humans we are today."
Still questing, the boy returned to his father and complained, "You lied to me. Mom said we were from monkeys, not Adam and Eve."
Yes,"tiredly explained dad, "but your mother was talking about her side of the family."
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