One of the reasons dogs are so popular is they always wag their tails instead of their tongues. That leads me to think that maybe the world would be better off if everyone had tails to let you know how they are feeling! But that is hardly the only reason dogs make better companions than girlfriends, according to a compilation from a recent male-only bull session I attended. Read on.
The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
You never have to wait for your dog. It is ready to go whenever you are, day or night.
Your dog understands that instinct trumps asking for directions every time.
Your dog will forgive you for playing with other dogs. Or even if you call it by another dog's name.
Your dog never expects gifts, even on Valentine's Day. They have no use for cards, flowers or jewelry.
Your dog won't cry unless it needs to go out to pee.
A dog loves it when your friends come over for a noisy bit of horseplay.
Dogs also like beer, and handle it about as well as you do.
Your dog would rather sit and drool while you fix it a hamburger patty than go our for a lobster dinner.
Your dog thinks your singing is great...and may even join in to promote harmony..
Your dog likes stuff srewn around on the floor, and never worries about germs.
Your dog understands that one has to raise one's voice on occasion to get one's point across.
Your dog won't "borrow" your sweaters or shirts and leave them with makeup on them.
Your dog is never going to add 50 pounds after reaching adulthood.
Your dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink.
Your dog's parents never visit.
And, addition to all that, anyone can get a good looking dog!
Monday, January 29, 2018
Friday, January 19, 2018
R. Loeffelbein's DOG BLOG: ""I Want To Talk About Sex>"Sex."
When I went to City Hall to renew my dog's license, I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one one of those too!"
Then I said, "But this is a dog."
He said he didn't care what she looked like and stood there with a grin on his face.
"No. You don't understand," I tried to explain. "I've had Sex since I was nine years old!"
He winked at me and said, "You must have been quite a kid!"
"When I got married, and went on my honeymoon, I took my dog with me. I told the clerk I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He told me I didn't need a special room for sex, that he didn't care what we did as long as we paid our bill.'
"I tried to explain to him that the problem was that Sex kept me awake at night."
The clerk grinned and replied, "Funny, but I have that same problem!" But he assigned us an other room.
Next day I entered Sex in a show being held in town. But during his morning run he got loose and last seen was chasing a squirrel across a street full of traffic. I was left standing, undecided what to do. Another contestant asked me why I was looking so angry. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the show.
"Wow," he exclaims. If you sell tickets, you ought to clean up!"
"But you don;t understand," I added, "I want to have Sex on TV."
"I don't see you as the type," he replies. "Besides, that's no big deal anymore. They already have a lot of that on Cable."
My wife didn't understand all the time I spent with my dog so, eventually we seperated. We went to court, where I made sure to announce i wanted custody. I told the judge, 'Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married."
"The court is not a confessional," he replied."Please stick to the facts of the case."
"But my wife didn't even care when Sex left me," I added. "When Sex left me again last night I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop stopped me and asked what I was doing in an alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I told him I was just looking for Sex."
My case comes up Friday.
(This was reprinted by request in Dear Abby's column, but this slightly revised version is offered here for all you readers who missed it both times. I hope you're happy I've savored it for you!)
Then I said, "But this is a dog."
He said he didn't care what she looked like and stood there with a grin on his face.
"No. You don't understand," I tried to explain. "I've had Sex since I was nine years old!"
He winked at me and said, "You must have been quite a kid!"
"When I got married, and went on my honeymoon, I took my dog with me. I told the clerk I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He told me I didn't need a special room for sex, that he didn't care what we did as long as we paid our bill.'
"I tried to explain to him that the problem was that Sex kept me awake at night."
The clerk grinned and replied, "Funny, but I have that same problem!" But he assigned us an other room.
Next day I entered Sex in a show being held in town. But during his morning run he got loose and last seen was chasing a squirrel across a street full of traffic. I was left standing, undecided what to do. Another contestant asked me why I was looking so angry. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the show.
"Wow," he exclaims. If you sell tickets, you ought to clean up!"
"But you don;t understand," I added, "I want to have Sex on TV."
"I don't see you as the type," he replies. "Besides, that's no big deal anymore. They already have a lot of that on Cable."
My wife didn't understand all the time I spent with my dog so, eventually we seperated. We went to court, where I made sure to announce i wanted custody. I told the judge, 'Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married."
"The court is not a confessional," he replied."Please stick to the facts of the case."
"But my wife didn't even care when Sex left me," I added. "When Sex left me again last night I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop stopped me and asked what I was doing in an alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I told him I was just looking for Sex."
My case comes up Friday.
(This was reprinted by request in Dear Abby's column, but this slightly revised version is offered here for all you readers who missed it both times. I hope you're happy I've savored it for you!)
R. Loeffelbein's Whatchama Column: "Best Joke I've Heard This Week:
A news photographer called the local airport on his cellphone to charter a flight to cover a hillside fire. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
On arrival, he spotted a plane warming up, hurried over to it, tossed his camera gear in and jumped in, slamming the door shut and yelling, "I'm set. Let's go."
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. With the wind blowing crosswise the ascent was a bit bumpy. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley in low passes" so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"So I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides. I'm a news photographer and we need some good shots for tonight's TV news."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally stammering, "So what you're telling me is that you're NOT my flight instructor?"
On arrival, he spotted a plane warming up, hurried over to it, tossed his camera gear in and jumped in, slamming the door shut and yelling, "I'm set. Let's go."
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. With the wind blowing crosswise the ascent was a bit bumpy. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley in low passes" so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"So I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides. I'm a news photographer and we need some good shots for tonight's TV news."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally stammering, "So what you're telling me is that you're NOT my flight instructor?"
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