R. Loeffelbein's DOG BLOG: "My Dog's Questions"

     We humans often sit, seemingly idle, at times, but actually we are probably day dreaming, asking ourselves questions that have vexed us at one time or another. With this in mind, I noted my dog, Red, sitting seemingly idle also yesterday, but with his ears erect and an interested look on his face that made me think that he, also, might well be asking himself questions that have vexed him at one time or another. What kind of questions would vex a dog, you ask? Well, surprisingly, right off the cuff I could think of a number I'd wonder about if I were Red. Think about that yourself and I'll bet you can come up with quite a list yourself.
     Right at the top of my list was, "Why do humans, who seem to have perfectly good noses, love to go around smelling the flowers but never enjoy smelling one another's butts"
     "And will it still be considered an unacceptable affront in the afterlife to greet one's human friends by sticking one's nose into their crotch?"
     And I wondered if my dog thought he was being a bad dog by barking, just for the joy of it, in the house when no one was there to hear him?
     And, "Do you suppose there are mailmen in Heaven and, if there are, am I going to have to apologize? And tell any garbage collectors there that I'm sorry for the way I acted, that I know now that they weren't stealing our trash?"
     Likewise, "are the wastes of this world going to be available for our olfactory senses to enjoy as we roll in them, like decaying fish and leavings of the horses in our pasture?"
     Will it still be considered impolite - when I try to be fastidious - sitting in the middle of the living room and licking my crotch?"
     If we are man's best friend, like I've heard voiced around, how come there are cars named after rabbit, colt, mustang, stingray and cougar, but not one named for a dog> How much trouble would it be to change the Christler Eagle to the Beagle, for instance?"
     Will some of the things taught me in this world still have relevance where I go when I pass on, like: "The master's bed is not a dog towel for use after a rainy day walk, the living room carpet is not kept as a handy solution for an itchy butt, and the cat's food is not meant for me, even if the cat has thrown it up."
     The most worrysome wonderment, though, is whether I"ll get my testicles back in Heaven!!!