At my advanced age I have heard just about every type of salesman's spiel they've been able to think up. They've made me a pessimist.
Start with financial advisors. A financial editor of the New York Journal American once defined a "Policy" as "a common substitute for good judgment". A "calculated risk" was "crap shooting on a corporate level". A "well-rounded program" was "an excuse for running off in all directions". An "attitude of watchful waiting" was "a dignified way of doing nothing".
Vacation folders have a jargon all their own too. When you read "conducive to complete relaxation", you will ultimately find out the place is "dead". "A charming atmosphere of rustic simplicity" will probably be found to mean "no inside plumbing". "Bathing nearby" really means "no swimming pool". "25 seasons under the same management" may be only a warning that they haven't been able to sell the place.
If you plan to attend a concert, beware of hidden meanings also. If the box office reports "Plenty of tickers", it may really have plenty, just not for the days you want. If they advertise "Orchestra seats - Close to stage" you may have to play an instrument to sit there.
And, how could I leave out auto service department dialogue? Here are some of the standard excuses you may hear there:
"They all do that!" (The real meaning is more like, "We've never seen this problem before and we don't know the cause of it, but we think you'll feel better if you think you're not the only one.")
"We're waiting for a part." ("We may have ordered the wrong part and now the computer is down and we can't remember what we needed in the first place.")
"We're test driving it right now." ("The guys have driven your car to a bar for lunch and will be back in an hour or so.")
"There is some additional work we'd recommend." ("The test drive back from the bar resulted in a cracked muffler and a broken rearview mirror, which we have already replaced, but which we want you to pay for.")
Television folk have their own sales jargon as well.
"A Meaningful Drama" may be any program about grubby people in trouble, which has a sad ending.
"A Public Service Program" is probably a cultural or news show that attracts little sponsor interest, receives bad ratings, but often has good critical reports.
"Controversial content" may be any subject which has conflicting points of view so its treatment is bound to result in a flurry of complaints, especially in Washington, DC.
"Adult entertainment" is usually a talky show which features once-forbidden topics, cussing and off-color jokes.
"Family entertainment" leaves little to include but kid shows moved to prime time.
"Children's Programming" isn't much more than advertising for toys, candy and peanut butter.
"Mature Viewers" are pretty forgotten by sponsors unless they manufacture a denture cleanser or pain reliever.
No wonder I'm a pessimist. The only wonder is that there aren't more of us!
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