Computerists code the most innovative and oddest apps into the World Wide Web! I enjoy browsing this fount of obtuse ingenuity on occasion. My most recent foray brought up the following list you might look up if you, too, are a curious and adventuresome type person.
These company Websites advertise novelties that intrigued me:
a wooden toy that teaches coding: Cubetto (from Primo Toys).
3-D printed shoes: Futurecraft 3-D (from Adidas)
a wearable toy that kids can program: Mover Kit (from Technology Will Save Us)
a slick electric bike: Oko (from Biomega)
A plug-in gadget that makes cars run cleaner: Voyo (from Frog)
These Websites actually DO things:
Record your life in GIFs::Glphy Cam (from Giphy)
Kids choreograph dances for monsters: Monster Moves (from Ideo)
Scanning allows you to try on clothes virtually: Avametric (from Avametric)
App changes the color temperature of your screen as it gets later in the day, to ease eye strain and work with your body's sleep schedule: Flux
A team picks the best You Tube videos daily and posts them to its site daily: Devour.com
Site explores possibility that early mankind was scientifically advanced because of intervention from extraterrestrial beings:AncientX.com
Site lets you write an e-mail to yourself that will arrive in the day, month and year in the future that you select (if you keep the same e-mail address): FutureMe.org
Service streams music to fit your musical preference, temps and mood - sad to aggressive: Ghostlycom/discovery
Simple calculator determines what time you should fall asleep based on your targeted wake time, waking you between your natural sleep cycles to get the best start for your day: Sleepyti.me
Site simply offers a 90-second breather from computer activities, featuring the theme from TVs Lost series: TheQuietPlace Project.com/90seconds
Beta site with interactive timeline incorporating photos, videos and audio in a visual tour of the origins of the universe, our solar system and humanity itself: ChromeZoomProject.org
Specify the recording artist you would like to hear and this site will stream its music AND suggest the perfect cocktail accompaniment: Drinkify.org
This mythology encyclopedia includes 4,000 or so entries on supreme beings, demons and deities from every culture: Godchecker.com
Political screw-up tweets, even deleted ones, are shown: Politiwoops.com
Illustrators each week take intriguing or funny tweets and turn them into cartoons: Twaggies.com
And lastly, but far from least intriguing:
An amazing and amusing plethora of photos of unusual things, people and happenstances: WhereCoolThingsHappen.com
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Friday, August 4, 2017
R. Loeffelbein's LISTS: "How to Foretell the Future"
Mankind has continually searched for a method of hepatoscopy (foretelling his future), and failed, unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps). My following list shows some of the innovated methods, which have shown some intriguing imagination, however. Take a look.
Astrology: This "science" or "art" was practiced by the ancient Chaldeans and found in the theories of ancient religions. It is based on the signs or omens "seen" in the stars and the constellations they form, which make up the Zodiac. These groups or constellations in the Zodiac were given names taken from mythological lore and their changing patterns were noted to mark the changing seasons. Each pattern was given a "significance". If "properly read" these patterns foretell an individual's or the world's futures.
Bibliomancy: Reading into the future by consulting some book, secular or sacred.
A common practice for the credulous in divination is to open the Bible and place the index finger at random on the text. The message therein, in case of distress, will suggest a solution. But, if the words have no bearing on the particular distress, the message is unfavorable.
To ask a question on a doubtful matter open the Bible and note the first word on the left-hand page. If the word has an even number of letters, the answer is "No"., and uneven number of letters, the answer is "Yes".
An Old English custom is to lay the Bible on the table on New Year's Day and have each member of the family open it at random and read the prediction of things to come for the new year from suggested contents of the two open pages.
Capnomancy: Divination by means of smoke. Smoke ascending dark and dense foretells evil to come; ascending straight and light, the opposite.
Catoptromancy: Divination with the aid of a mirror
If a child is taken to a mirror before he/she is a year old, the child will have an early death.
Looking into a mirror by candlelight will bring on bad luck.
Mirrors and pictures of deceased persons are covered while the corpse lies in state at home to prevent the spirit from seeing itself.
Cledonism: Divination from words "used occasionally", or, sometimes, associated with the movements of birds.
Cleromancy: Learning the unknown by "casting lots", such as throwing dice, flipping a coin, consulting cards, shaking pebbles or nuts, or saying "magical" words like "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe".
Coscinomancy: Divination through consulting the manner of oscillation or shaking of a suspended "sieve".
Dactiliomancy: Divination using a ring suspended by a string and noting its rotating movements, and its stopping at some marked letters to indicate answers to queries.
Dreams: Dream wandering in confusion portends an impending event. Many specific dreams have been given meanings:
Whatever one dreams while sleeping under a new blanket or quilt will turn out real.
Morning dreams go by contraries.
Told before breakfast, dreams bring bad luck.
Muddy water - trouble or an impending death.
Dreaming of a white horse means you will become rich.
Fortune Telling: One's birthday foretells his/her fortune:
Mondays' child is fair of face.
Tuesday's child is full of grace.
Wednesday's child is sorry and sad.
Thursday's child is merry and glad.
Friday's child is loving and giving.
Saturday's child must work for a living.
But the child born on the Sabbath Day is bonny and merry and glad and gay.
Magic Crystal: The "magic crystal", a kind of divining mirror, may be any size, usually spherical, and turned from pure rock. It offers divination and communication with the "living dead".
Onomancy: Divination of good or ill fortune from the letters of a person's name.
Palmistry: Foretells events, and character, from the shape, fatty tissues (mounds), and lines of the hands, fingers, nails, etc.
Chirognomy: assessing a person's character on the basis of the shape and general appearance of the hands.
Chiromancy: Prophecy from indications of the hands.
Onychomancy" Foretelling on the basis of characteristics of the finger nails.
Phrenology: Character reading from the size and shape of the human skull.
Medical anatomist Franz J. Gall developed the theory that the outer surface of the skull corresponded with the contents of the brain, and that regions of the brain were correlated with character traits.
Physiognomy: Popular in the 16th century, this was built upon the theory that bodily characteristics reveal mental characteristics. It was forbidden by the English Parliament in 1743.
Scapulimancy/omoplatoscopy: Reading the future from the features of an animal's shoulder blade.
Astrology: This "science" or "art" was practiced by the ancient Chaldeans and found in the theories of ancient religions. It is based on the signs or omens "seen" in the stars and the constellations they form, which make up the Zodiac. These groups or constellations in the Zodiac were given names taken from mythological lore and their changing patterns were noted to mark the changing seasons. Each pattern was given a "significance". If "properly read" these patterns foretell an individual's or the world's futures.
Bibliomancy: Reading into the future by consulting some book, secular or sacred.
A common practice for the credulous in divination is to open the Bible and place the index finger at random on the text. The message therein, in case of distress, will suggest a solution. But, if the words have no bearing on the particular distress, the message is unfavorable.
To ask a question on a doubtful matter open the Bible and note the first word on the left-hand page. If the word has an even number of letters, the answer is "No"., and uneven number of letters, the answer is "Yes".
An Old English custom is to lay the Bible on the table on New Year's Day and have each member of the family open it at random and read the prediction of things to come for the new year from suggested contents of the two open pages.
Capnomancy: Divination by means of smoke. Smoke ascending dark and dense foretells evil to come; ascending straight and light, the opposite.
Catoptromancy: Divination with the aid of a mirror
If a child is taken to a mirror before he/she is a year old, the child will have an early death.
Looking into a mirror by candlelight will bring on bad luck.
Mirrors and pictures of deceased persons are covered while the corpse lies in state at home to prevent the spirit from seeing itself.
Cledonism: Divination from words "used occasionally", or, sometimes, associated with the movements of birds.
Cleromancy: Learning the unknown by "casting lots", such as throwing dice, flipping a coin, consulting cards, shaking pebbles or nuts, or saying "magical" words like "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe".
Coscinomancy: Divination through consulting the manner of oscillation or shaking of a suspended "sieve".
Dactiliomancy: Divination using a ring suspended by a string and noting its rotating movements, and its stopping at some marked letters to indicate answers to queries.
Dreams: Dream wandering in confusion portends an impending event. Many specific dreams have been given meanings:
Whatever one dreams while sleeping under a new blanket or quilt will turn out real.
Morning dreams go by contraries.
Told before breakfast, dreams bring bad luck.
Muddy water - trouble or an impending death.
Dreaming of a white horse means you will become rich.
Fortune Telling: One's birthday foretells his/her fortune:
Mondays' child is fair of face.
Tuesday's child is full of grace.
Wednesday's child is sorry and sad.
Thursday's child is merry and glad.
Friday's child is loving and giving.
Saturday's child must work for a living.
But the child born on the Sabbath Day is bonny and merry and glad and gay.
Magic Crystal: The "magic crystal", a kind of divining mirror, may be any size, usually spherical, and turned from pure rock. It offers divination and communication with the "living dead".
Onomancy: Divination of good or ill fortune from the letters of a person's name.
Palmistry: Foretells events, and character, from the shape, fatty tissues (mounds), and lines of the hands, fingers, nails, etc.
Chirognomy: assessing a person's character on the basis of the shape and general appearance of the hands.
Chiromancy: Prophecy from indications of the hands.
Onychomancy" Foretelling on the basis of characteristics of the finger nails.
Phrenology: Character reading from the size and shape of the human skull.
Medical anatomist Franz J. Gall developed the theory that the outer surface of the skull corresponded with the contents of the brain, and that regions of the brain were correlated with character traits.
Physiognomy: Popular in the 16th century, this was built upon the theory that bodily characteristics reveal mental characteristics. It was forbidden by the English Parliament in 1743.
Scapulimancy/omoplatoscopy: Reading the future from the features of an animal's shoulder blade.
Saturday, July 29, 2017
R. Loeffelbein's WHATCHAMA COLUMN: "Intriguing Things You May Not Have Heard About"
Today it is difficult to believe that around the turn of the 20th century people in our government were considering doing away with the patent office because "Everything that could be invented has already been invented".
That was a silly supposition. Since then even an avid reader finds it impossible to keep up with what's being invented in all areas of our culture. The daily newspaper doesn't even cover much that is newsworthy. Let's look at just a few intriguing items as examples.
FASHION STATEMENT: Elizabeth Esponnette, an assistant professor of product design at the University of Oregon, has made a jacket out of sprouted chia seeds and muslin, a filmy gown from hot glue and water and a cocktail dress composed of alum salt crystals, which actually grew into form. In explanation she stated, "By calling on nature, and making clothing that will biodegrade and become something else, I'm trying to allude to the need for a circular process in manufacturing, instead of a linear process that ends with things being thrown out."
She envisions a completely different world where clothing could be made to order on a 3-D printer building items straight from yarn, with no waste. She has proved the technology works, even though she has no products yet. Further, she is working with 3-D printers to come up with ways that a person's bodily measurements could be transferred directly to the printer, ensuring excellent fit and no-seams strength.
(Story courtesy of Oregon Quarterly, winter 2016 issue, written by Rosemary Howe Camozzi.)
FUTURE NEIGHBORHOODS: Residents of the soon-to-be ReGen Village in Amsterdam's outskirts will live in a self-sufficiency closed-loop system, meeting most of its needs, like energy, food and waste management - from within. It will include glass greenhouses for growing its own food, for instance. The project mastermind is California developer James Ehrlich.
When Copenhagen entrepreneur Kim Loudrup couldn't find affordable student housing for his son, he (along with Danish architect Bjarke Ingels) built a 15-apartment complex on a floating base in the harbor, made from modular shipping containers. They rent for $600 each.
One of New York City's most popular parks has been built on an abandoned elevated train track. Now James Ramsey and Dan Barasch are spearheading a project to build a $10 million, 60,000 square foot, plant-packed public park 20 feet below the city's traffic-clogged streets. Aluminum and glass super conductors will harness and redirect sunlight to a distribution point via fibre-optic cables, then a "solar canopy" of aluminum panels will distributes the sun's rays.
(Stories in Fast Company Magazine, Feb. 2017.)
HOMELIKE HOSPITALITY: Innovations can be quite simple, like Airbnb. Brian Chesky took the idea that people would like to stay in private homes during their travels in foreign countries and those homeowners would like the money this would bring them. The company, in ten years, has more than 2 million listings and a valuation of $25.5 billion, making it the largest "hotel" chain in the world. Airbnb collects 15% from every booking from guests and hosts. Chesky is 35 years old and reportedly worth over $3 billion!
PATENTED MOUSE: The oncomouse made both scientific and legal history when it became the first transgenic mammal to be granted a U.S. patent. It helps meet a need for animal models to study cancer - how it forms and spreads in living tissue - in intact organisms rather than cell lines in petri dishes. Patent #
CROWD CAPITALISM: Inventors and innovators since 2009 have had a huge advantage over those in earlier generations: crowd funding. That's where an idea for a product or business is floated by an online crowdfunding app and people who are interested in seeing it realized, and perhaps sharing hoped-for largesse, contribute funds. Early apps included Indiegogo, Kickstarter, Rockethub and Quirky.
That was a silly supposition. Since then even an avid reader finds it impossible to keep up with what's being invented in all areas of our culture. The daily newspaper doesn't even cover much that is newsworthy. Let's look at just a few intriguing items as examples.
FASHION STATEMENT: Elizabeth Esponnette, an assistant professor of product design at the University of Oregon, has made a jacket out of sprouted chia seeds and muslin, a filmy gown from hot glue and water and a cocktail dress composed of alum salt crystals, which actually grew into form. In explanation she stated, "By calling on nature, and making clothing that will biodegrade and become something else, I'm trying to allude to the need for a circular process in manufacturing, instead of a linear process that ends with things being thrown out."
She envisions a completely different world where clothing could be made to order on a 3-D printer building items straight from yarn, with no waste. She has proved the technology works, even though she has no products yet. Further, she is working with 3-D printers to come up with ways that a person's bodily measurements could be transferred directly to the printer, ensuring excellent fit and no-seams strength.
(Story courtesy of Oregon Quarterly, winter 2016 issue, written by Rosemary Howe Camozzi.)
FUTURE NEIGHBORHOODS: Residents of the soon-to-be ReGen Village in Amsterdam's outskirts will live in a self-sufficiency closed-loop system, meeting most of its needs, like energy, food and waste management - from within. It will include glass greenhouses for growing its own food, for instance. The project mastermind is California developer James Ehrlich.
When Copenhagen entrepreneur Kim Loudrup couldn't find affordable student housing for his son, he (along with Danish architect Bjarke Ingels) built a 15-apartment complex on a floating base in the harbor, made from modular shipping containers. They rent for $600 each.
One of New York City's most popular parks has been built on an abandoned elevated train track. Now James Ramsey and Dan Barasch are spearheading a project to build a $10 million, 60,000 square foot, plant-packed public park 20 feet below the city's traffic-clogged streets. Aluminum and glass super conductors will harness and redirect sunlight to a distribution point via fibre-optic cables, then a "solar canopy" of aluminum panels will distributes the sun's rays.
(Stories in Fast Company Magazine, Feb. 2017.)
HOMELIKE HOSPITALITY: Innovations can be quite simple, like Airbnb. Brian Chesky took the idea that people would like to stay in private homes during their travels in foreign countries and those homeowners would like the money this would bring them. The company, in ten years, has more than 2 million listings and a valuation of $25.5 billion, making it the largest "hotel" chain in the world. Airbnb collects 15% from every booking from guests and hosts. Chesky is 35 years old and reportedly worth over $3 billion!
PATENTED MOUSE: The oncomouse made both scientific and legal history when it became the first transgenic mammal to be granted a U.S. patent. It helps meet a need for animal models to study cancer - how it forms and spreads in living tissue - in intact organisms rather than cell lines in petri dishes. Patent #
CROWD CAPITALISM: Inventors and innovators since 2009 have had a huge advantage over those in earlier generations: crowd funding. That's where an idea for a product or business is floated by an online crowdfunding app and people who are interested in seeing it realized, and perhaps sharing hoped-for largesse, contribute funds. Early apps included Indiegogo, Kickstarter, Rockethub and Quirky.
R. Loeffelbeinn's Whatachma Column: "Debunking Triskaidekaphobia"
Virgilius Ferm, in a little book titled 'A Brief Dictionary of American Superstitions" published way back in 1965, took it upon himself to debunk a raft of superstitions and "old wives tales" that had been in the American culture for years.
Probably the most widely spread superstition concerned Friday the 13th, as a sure day for misfortune. People would refrain from undertaking anything of importance, even businesses would postpone concluding deals, others would be suspicious of foods, especially in restaurants, and brides would avoid it as a wedding day.
Ferm reports that a group met on a Friday the 13th sometime around 1946 in a mortuary and, in the spirit of fun, sat around an open coffin upon which stood 13 candles, the purpose being to evidence disregard for the superstition surrounding that specific recurring date.
A later report, on Friday, June 13, 1958, reported that 100 men, and their guests, met in the Chicago Athletic Club to actively defy superstitions associated with Friday the 13ths.The Chicago Daily Tribune duly reported next day that, under the leadership of Ben Regan, the Anti-Superstition Society, composed of "aldermen, judges and leaders of the business and industrial community", including 13 vice-presidents, defied bad luck spells by breaking mirrors, walking under ladders, opening umbrellas inside and fondling black cats.
Actually, the black cat crossing one's path bringing bad luck is only half of that superstition. The second part seems to have been lost, bit it originally stated, "Having a strange black cat make its home with one brings GOOD luck!"
Fridays, in general, have not fared well in the arena of superstition. At one time the day brides selected for their weddings were listed in this order: "Monday for wealth, Tuesday for health, Wednesday the best day of all, Thursday for crosses, FRIDAY FOR LOSSES, and Saturday no luck at all."
There even existed a listing of best days to cut one's fingernails, and Friday was listed under "Cut them with woe".
Likewise, the superstition in northern Wisconsin at one time foretold disaster for anyone starting a new task or starting a journey on a Friday.
And, of course, woe to anyone born on Friday the 13th!
Probably the most widely spread superstition concerned Friday the 13th, as a sure day for misfortune. People would refrain from undertaking anything of importance, even businesses would postpone concluding deals, others would be suspicious of foods, especially in restaurants, and brides would avoid it as a wedding day.
Ferm reports that a group met on a Friday the 13th sometime around 1946 in a mortuary and, in the spirit of fun, sat around an open coffin upon which stood 13 candles, the purpose being to evidence disregard for the superstition surrounding that specific recurring date.
A later report, on Friday, June 13, 1958, reported that 100 men, and their guests, met in the Chicago Athletic Club to actively defy superstitions associated with Friday the 13ths.The Chicago Daily Tribune duly reported next day that, under the leadership of Ben Regan, the Anti-Superstition Society, composed of "aldermen, judges and leaders of the business and industrial community", including 13 vice-presidents, defied bad luck spells by breaking mirrors, walking under ladders, opening umbrellas inside and fondling black cats.
Actually, the black cat crossing one's path bringing bad luck is only half of that superstition. The second part seems to have been lost, bit it originally stated, "Having a strange black cat make its home with one brings GOOD luck!"
Fridays, in general, have not fared well in the arena of superstition. At one time the day brides selected for their weddings were listed in this order: "Monday for wealth, Tuesday for health, Wednesday the best day of all, Thursday for crosses, FRIDAY FOR LOSSES, and Saturday no luck at all."
There even existed a listing of best days to cut one's fingernails, and Friday was listed under "Cut them with woe".
Likewise, the superstition in northern Wisconsin at one time foretold disaster for anyone starting a new task or starting a journey on a Friday.
And, of course, woe to anyone born on Friday the 13th!
Friday, July 14, 2017
R. Loeffelbein's WHATCHAMA COLUMN: "Surprising What You Can Find Exploring the Web!
Did you know Google processes more than 100 billion search requests worldwide each month, including queries on PCs? And that was a news tidbit from the Associated Press news bureau May 2015, so I don't know what it might be by now.
Another newsy item, from the Daily Mail, reports on a survey of technology consumption in 30 nations. The average viewer, it is reported, spends six hours and 50 minutes a day in front of various devices like smartphones, tablets, TVs and PC monitors. The ten countries with the most consumption are Indonesia, at 9 hours viewing per day, followed by the Philippines, China, Brazil, Vietnam, United States (sixth place at 7.4 hours), Nigeria, Colombia, Thailand and Saudi Arabia.
Personally, I love the surprises I find when I take a few idle moments to search out unusual web sites I hear or read about. Here are some for-instances I thought might also intrigue you readers that I've checked out lately:
Feetz, the first company to offer customized, fully 3-D printed shoes for everyday wear, is set to start selling early next year. According to innovator Lucy Beard the company app will translate photos of customers' feet into virtual 3-D fits. Users then select color and style from among five offerings. Cost? Between $200 and $300 per pair.
These I won't explain. I'll just let you look them up for yourself: 1) Heartless Bitches International (at heartlessbitches.com), 2) The Institute of Official Cheer (at lileks.com/institutel) and The Official Ninja Webpage: Real Ultimate Power (at realultimatepower.net).
Want to organize a village of your own? The Village to Village Network offers guidance at vtvnetwork.org).
If you fear "jumping" tarantulas or "venomous" daddy longlegs spiders, put those myths behind you and upgrade your knowledge by visiting Washington.edu/burkemuseum/spidermyths/index.html.
If a site dedicated to artistic photography of drops, splashes and other liquid action interests you look up http:/www. liquid sculpture.com/index.htm. It even includes a segment titled "Pournography".
The Annals of Improbable Research (www.improbable.com) each year includes staff-selected IgNobel Prizes for those scientists who seem to have plumbed innocuous, or worse, projects.
Which brings us to some of the sites that may be even more useless, like 1) www.manhole.cu/index.php (the history and pictures of manhole covers of the world), 2) Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About (homepage.ntlworld.com/mil.millington/things.html) and the strangest site of all at yil.com/strange.
Another newsy item, from the Daily Mail, reports on a survey of technology consumption in 30 nations. The average viewer, it is reported, spends six hours and 50 minutes a day in front of various devices like smartphones, tablets, TVs and PC monitors. The ten countries with the most consumption are Indonesia, at 9 hours viewing per day, followed by the Philippines, China, Brazil, Vietnam, United States (sixth place at 7.4 hours), Nigeria, Colombia, Thailand and Saudi Arabia.
Personally, I love the surprises I find when I take a few idle moments to search out unusual web sites I hear or read about. Here are some for-instances I thought might also intrigue you readers that I've checked out lately:
Feetz, the first company to offer customized, fully 3-D printed shoes for everyday wear, is set to start selling early next year. According to innovator Lucy Beard the company app will translate photos of customers' feet into virtual 3-D fits. Users then select color and style from among five offerings. Cost? Between $200 and $300 per pair.
These I won't explain. I'll just let you look them up for yourself: 1) Heartless Bitches International (at heartlessbitches.com), 2) The Institute of Official Cheer (at lileks.com/institutel) and The Official Ninja Webpage: Real Ultimate Power (at realultimatepower.net).
Want to organize a village of your own? The Village to Village Network offers guidance at vtvnetwork.org).
If you fear "jumping" tarantulas or "venomous" daddy longlegs spiders, put those myths behind you and upgrade your knowledge by visiting Washington.edu/burkemuseum/spidermyths/index.html.
If a site dedicated to artistic photography of drops, splashes and other liquid action interests you look up http:/www. liquid sculpture.com/index.htm. It even includes a segment titled "Pournography".
The Annals of Improbable Research (www.improbable.com) each year includes staff-selected IgNobel Prizes for those scientists who seem to have plumbed innocuous, or worse, projects.
Which brings us to some of the sites that may be even more useless, like 1) www.manhole.cu/index.php (the history and pictures of manhole covers of the world), 2) Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About (homepage.ntlworld.com/mil.millington/things.html) and the strangest site of all at yil.com/strange.
R. Loeffelbein's Whatchama Column: "Best Jokes I've Heard This Month"
I really can't explain why I selected these particular five from the many I've heard recently, but each one brings a smile to my face every time I read it. Maybe it's because each has a tie-in to actuality in my life. Anyhow, judge them for yourself.
(My sister and I have never gotten along. That's probably why I liked this one. I'll play her third husband in this story.)
Satan appeared during church service where I was attending and everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in their haste to vacate the premises. When everyone was gone I alone remained, gazing speculatively at the gate crasher.
Satan made a surprised face and floated across the room to stand menacingly over me. "Don't you know who I am?" he demanded in his windows-shaking voice.
"Sure do," I admitted.
"And you aren't afraid of me," he asked, obviously not understanding this first for him.
"You forget, I've been married to your sister for ten years," I reminded him.
------------------------------
(When I read this one it brought back slapstick visions of the broom "the sorcerer's apprentice" put a spell on in the Mickey Mouse film so-titled. You have to have seen it to really appreciate this joke.)
Two unacquainted brooms being worked in unison to clean up a large spill in a restaurant look appraisingly at each other and one says, " We do good work. Why don't we get married and go into business for ourselves?"
They agree, but at the marriage ceremony the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk!"
The groom broom, in askance, asks, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together yet."
-------------------------------------
(Anyone who has traveled in New Mexico, or any other state where Indian reservations are prominent along the roadways, will understand this one, especially if you are an Easterner who still thinks the West is wild and wooly.)
Back home in an Eastern city this person was relating his harrowing vacation experience in the wild, wild West.to a neighbor. "There were Indians to the right of me, Indians to the left, and all closing in on me. I couldn't get away. It was terrible."
"So what did you do to escape? asks the enthralled neighbor.
"What else could I do? I bought a blanket."
---------------------------------------
(I've always loved and kept dogs; my sister has always had a cat or two. I've never understood what she sees in cats. So this is an odd story for me to be telling, I guess. But it still tickles my fancy.)
This man hated his wife's cat, so, fed up with it, one day, he drove it to a large park and left it there. When he returned home, however, the cat walked up the driveway to greet him.
The next day he drove the cat to another town a few miles distant and again sped away without it. Arriving home, though, he found the cat asleep in his easy chair.
In exasperation, he drove the cat 20 miles, down some barely perceptible roadways, over a mountain, into a valley with a thick brush and tree cover and dumped the cat again.
Hours later his wife answered his phone call.
"Is your cat there?" he asked.
"Yes. Why?" she wanted to know.
"I'm lost. And I need the cat to give me directions home!"
-------------------------------------------
(With the advent of summer and mass college graduations a whole new flock of young people have started looking for jobs. Their expectations often aren't realized. There is even humor in that.)
The human resources officer, reaching the end of a job interview with a young "engineer", queries the young graduate: "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
"In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package," the young man replies.
"Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full dental and medical, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say a red Corvette?" was his surprising rejoinder.
With wide eyes and a big smile, the young would-be engineer exclaims, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
To which the interviewer replies, "Of course. But you started it."\
********
Thursday, April 13, 2017
R.Loeffelbein's OFFBEAT GOLF COLUMN: "Paper and Pencil Golf"
Golf addicts often find time on their hands, like waiting out the weather in a hotel room, trapped in an airport lounge or even awaiting call to tee off. As a former community recreation director I was often called upon to innovate new games for waste-times like these. I did a three-handed pinochle game once and now I have a paper-and-pencil golf game for players who can't get onto the golf course.
The game's tools are simple: five dice and an unused score card, or any piece of paper that can be marked up to simulate one, and a pencil or pen. Roll the five dice for high count to determine players' order of play.
A game consists of 18 turns for each player, one turn per hole. Lowest total for 18 holes is the winner.
Two different methods are used to score, one applying to holes 1 through 6 and the other for 7 through 18.
Holes 1 through 6 cannot be scored until the dice have been rolled enough times so the number of the hole has shown on three of them. At each roll the number 1's can be held out from following rolls until three of them have been rolled. The number of rolls it takes to get three 1's is the roller's score for that hole. If it takes five rolls, you score a five for that hole.
This same process goes on for holes 2 through 6.
Holes 7 through 18 are scored by counting the number of rolls needed for the dice to show the number of the hole being played. For example, to hole out number 7 you could roll a 6 and a 1 on the first roll, for a birdie, or two 2's on the first roll and a 3 on the second roll, for a score of 2, etc. If a 7 total is not reached in ten rolls, mark a 10 as your score for that hole and pass the dice to the next player..
Players may roll for any hole not already played during each turn, and do not have to tell the other players what hole they are playing until all rolls have been completed. However, the scores they make must be marked in the correct spots for a given hole on a given turn. For example, if the player ends up claiming a nine on four rolls, his score of 4 must be placed for the #9 hole. Limit again is 10 rolls. Add up scores for 18 holes. Low count wins.
Now, if this is too complicated for anyone, I suggest they skip the game and go straight to the 19th hole!
The game's tools are simple: five dice and an unused score card, or any piece of paper that can be marked up to simulate one, and a pencil or pen. Roll the five dice for high count to determine players' order of play.
A game consists of 18 turns for each player, one turn per hole. Lowest total for 18 holes is the winner.
Two different methods are used to score, one applying to holes 1 through 6 and the other for 7 through 18.
Holes 1 through 6 cannot be scored until the dice have been rolled enough times so the number of the hole has shown on three of them. At each roll the number 1's can be held out from following rolls until three of them have been rolled. The number of rolls it takes to get three 1's is the roller's score for that hole. If it takes five rolls, you score a five for that hole.
This same process goes on for holes 2 through 6.
Holes 7 through 18 are scored by counting the number of rolls needed for the dice to show the number of the hole being played. For example, to hole out number 7 you could roll a 6 and a 1 on the first roll, for a birdie, or two 2's on the first roll and a 3 on the second roll, for a score of 2, etc. If a 7 total is not reached in ten rolls, mark a 10 as your score for that hole and pass the dice to the next player..
Players may roll for any hole not already played during each turn, and do not have to tell the other players what hole they are playing until all rolls have been completed. However, the scores they make must be marked in the correct spots for a given hole on a given turn. For example, if the player ends up claiming a nine on four rolls, his score of 4 must be placed for the #9 hole. Limit again is 10 rolls. Add up scores for 18 holes. Low count wins.
Now, if this is too complicated for anyone, I suggest they skip the game and go straight to the 19th hole!
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