I really can't explain why I selected these particular five from the many I've heard recently, but each one brings a smile to my face every time I read it. Maybe it's because each has a tie-in to actuality in my life. Anyhow, judge them for yourself.
(My sister and I have never gotten along. That's probably why I liked this one. I'll play her third husband in this story.)
Satan appeared during church service where I was attending and everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in their haste to vacate the premises. When everyone was gone I alone remained, gazing speculatively at the gate crasher.
Satan made a surprised face and floated across the room to stand menacingly over me. "Don't you know who I am?" he demanded in his windows-shaking voice.
"Sure do," I admitted.
"And you aren't afraid of me," he asked, obviously not understanding this first for him.
"You forget, I've been married to your sister for ten years," I reminded him.
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(When I read this one it brought back slapstick visions of the broom "the sorcerer's apprentice" put a spell on in the Mickey Mouse film so-titled. You have to have seen it to really appreciate this joke.)
Two unacquainted brooms being worked in unison to clean up a large spill in a restaurant look appraisingly at each other and one says, " We do good work. Why don't we get married and go into business for ourselves?"
They agree, but at the marriage ceremony the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk!"
The groom broom, in askance, asks, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together yet."
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(Anyone who has traveled in New Mexico, or any other state where Indian reservations are prominent along the roadways, will understand this one, especially if you are an Easterner who still thinks the West is wild and wooly.)
Back home in an Eastern city this person was relating his harrowing vacation experience in the wild, wild West.to a neighbor. "There were Indians to the right of me, Indians to the left, and all closing in on me. I couldn't get away. It was terrible."
"So what did you do to escape? asks the enthralled neighbor.
"What else could I do? I bought a blanket."
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(I've always loved and kept dogs; my sister has always had a cat or two. I've never understood what she sees in cats. So this is an odd story for me to be telling, I guess. But it still tickles my fancy.)
This man hated his wife's cat, so, fed up with it, one day, he drove it to a large park and left it there. When he returned home, however, the cat walked up the driveway to greet him.
The next day he drove the cat to another town a few miles distant and again sped away without it. Arriving home, though, he found the cat asleep in his easy chair.
In exasperation, he drove the cat 20 miles, down some barely perceptible roadways, over a mountain, into a valley with a thick brush and tree cover and dumped the cat again.
Hours later his wife answered his phone call.
"Is your cat there?" he asked.
"Yes. Why?" she wanted to know.
"I'm lost. And I need the cat to give me directions home!"
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(With the advent of summer and mass college graduations a whole new flock of young people have started looking for jobs. Their expectations often aren't realized. There is even humor in that.)
The human resources officer, reaching the end of a job interview with a young "engineer", queries the young graduate: "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
"In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package," the young man replies.
"Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full dental and medical, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say a red Corvette?" was his surprising rejoinder.
With wide eyes and a big smile, the young would-be engineer exclaims, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
To which the interviewer replies, "Of course. But you started it."\
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