Much of life, unfortunately, is predictable. There are times when I would like to hear the UNpredictable, though it's not likely. Like when talking to the following people...
AUTO MECHANIC:
We're not busy. You can bring it in right now.
I've never seen anyone maintain their car as well as you have.
It was just a loose wire. No charge.
That part is much less expensive than I thought it would be.
You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street.
CONTRACTOR:
Sure, I'll be happy to come by on Saturday and give you an estimate. What time are you free?
Whoever worked on this before really knew what he was doing.
I find I came in a little high on my estimate.
INTERNAL REVENUE AUDITOR:
Frankly, that instruction has always confused me too.
Receipts won't be necessary. You have an honest face.
You're right. That's certainly a legitimate deduction.
After going over your returns, we've determined that you overpaid. Your refund check is enclosed.
DENTIST:
I don't blame you for feeling nervous. I feel the same way with my dentist's hand in my mouth.
I think you are flossing too much.
Relax, I won't ask you anything until I take the pick out of your mouth.
I'm afraid this is going to hurt like hell!
CAFE WAITER:
I think it is presumptuous for a waiter to volunteer his name. If you need anything, beckon and I will be here.
We do not sing "Happy Birthday" here. We feel it disturbs the other patrons.
Separate checks for your party of 12? No problem. Let me give you coffee refills while I make them out.
Thank you, but I realize I was slow tonight, so I can't accept a tip.
STORE CLERK:
You might want to hold off on that purchase. We're marking that item down 50% tomorrow.
I'm calling to let you know we think we sold you defective merchandise. We will deliver a replacement to you or give you a full refund, whichever you prefer.
Our computerized cash register is down. If you would like to browse for just a few moments, I will prepare a receipt for you by hand.
That phone can just ring. I don't answer it when I'm dealing with on-hand customers.
I was going on break, but that isn't as important as helping you find just what you want here.
PRE-SCHOOL TEACHER:
Robert took a very good nap today.
Everyone misbehaved at down time except Robert.
Robert traded his Snickers bar for healthy carrot sticks.
I wish we had 30 Roberts.
GOLF PARTNER:
Okay, I'll give you three strokes to make up for your sore hand.
That's too bad. You had a terrible lie. Take a "Mulligan".
That's close enough. Call it a hole.
Sure, take a free drop. It's just a game.
Winning doesn't make any difference to me. I just play golf for the exercise.
Let me buy the drinks today.
(Source: Adapted from David Grimes in the Sarasota, Florida, Herald-Tribune.)
No comments:
Post a Comment