Most searchers, however, don't require anything out of the ordinary. Loneliness, as well as love, is a great beautifier. However, finding a trial companion is only the opening gambit. Orchestrating an actual date that will showcase both participants takes some ingenuity and thought. And, oh yeah, ground rules are needed, like who pays - the man, both share, take turns, the one who's better fixed financially, or the one who set up the date? This definitely should be set up beforehand. It may be a little embarrassing, but not as much as it could be later.
A Kansas man, back in the single scene after many years of marriage, said he had heard much about women's lib, but he was getting mixed messages. "When I invite a lady out, I expect to pay," he reported. "So, when a lady invites a gentleman out, shouldn't she pay?"
"When a woman invites me out I am complimented," reports another gent, "but I'm confused when I end up paying for the evening. Some of these women own their own businesses or have a profession where they can well afford to pick up the tab. One woman invited me out to dinner at a very nice restaurant but, when the check came, she said she didn't have any money. On another occasion, after the bill had been presented, the woman said, since she had invited me out, we should split the bill."
A similar complaint came from a 69-year-old divorced gentleman dating a 65-year-old widow. "Our relationship is good except for one thing," he said. "Whenever we go anywhere we have to go in my pickup truck, although she has a very nice late model auto. And, whenever we go out to eat or to a movie, I always pick up the tab, even though she told me her husband had left her 'very comfortable'. She dresses well and lives in a beautiful condo, which she paid cash for."
Another ground rule to get established quickly involves conduct, the conduct expected on both sides.
A Dear Abby submission asked, "Will you please tell me why most men think that, just because a woman is a widow, she is sex starved and ready to jump into bed with the first man who asks her? The minute they get me alone they have six hands. They say, 'All women like to be fondled and petted'. Why don't they realize that two people should get acquainted and, if they enjoy each other's company, perhaps in time sparks will fly? If not, back off. Why spoil a good friendship?"
Comic Helen Rowland had one answer: "Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever".
Rap a bit with seniors who are in the dating game and you get some interesting stories. One widow got 17 answers to her personals ad in a small town paper. One wrote back simply, "Give me a call". No information was given on himself at all. Another answer was someone she knew "and he lied like a rug about himself".
"One evidently just wanted someone to listen to his problems. He talked for two hours straight. Another respondent was on a kidney dialysis machine and, I'd had three years of that, thank you, with my husband before he died."
One of the several she actually dated met her at a cowboy bar outside of town, without telling her what sort of place it was so she could have dressed accordingly. He wore his black sombrero the entire evening, never even taking it off when he met her, plus cowboy boots and dirty jeans. He appeared at least 10 years older than he had said, and he swilled beer like it was going out of style all evening, adding more pendula to the beer belly already overhanging his belt.
Vice Versa
On the other hand, one male told me he had sat and listened for four hours to a widow talk about her paragon of a dead husband while she drank cup after cup of coffee and smoked cigarettes non-stop. "I couldn't get the subject changed no matter what I tried," he complained. "She had fixed a great dinner, but it wasn't worth that type of prisoner payback," he added.He had visited another lady, in her home in another city, and they hit it off right away, well enough for him to invite her to visit him. But she showed up with a half-gallon of bourbon as her main luggage. It turned out she was well on her way to becoming an alcoholic, which she had been able to hide from him at her place. He didn't drink, however, so she knew she wouldn't have a stash at his place to tipple from.
He went to spend a day and evening with another widow and the first thing she insisted they do was to visit her workplace, even though it was her day off. Turned out she wanted to parade him around like a 'prize poodle', evidently to show her co-workers she could still snag a man. Then she wanted them to stay for lunch with co-workers in the company cafeteria.
Another ad answerer found an English matron with a 20-year-old son, both of whom where looking for American mates so they could stay in the United States. "Here we had just met," he stated, "but both of them got angry and abusive, yelling that I was trying to play games with them, when I tried to sidestep marriage talk.
Another dating deterrent story involved the friend of the person who told me. He showed up on my friend's doorstep one day unexpectedly. "Today's my wedding day!" was his greeting, accompanied by a long face.
"Where's your bride?" asked my friend.
"In Arizona," was the rejoinder. "In two months that we've been together that woman gave me more hell than my wife ever did in 20 years. So I came back home."
Love by Degrees
In such situations an idea forwarded by one-time columnist L.M.'Boyd might be practical. "Single status," he stated, "should be recognized by degrees. You get your Bachelor of Singles degree four years after you have lived alone, supporting yourself. You can only sign up for Marriage Elementary if you have your Bachelors. Two years of that and you can get into Marriage Advanced to try to earn your Master of Matrimony degree. Seven years total are needed to gain your Doctor of Domesticity." I suppose Associate Degrees might be awarded those who only cohabit.
The person who wants to get into senior dating should use their friends for all they're worth. The more eyes you have looking out for you, the better your chances of finding the golden grail. Maybe among them will be a friend like the following.
This friend took his wife and recently widowed sister-in-law to a baseball game. As they got comfortable in their reserved seats, another gentleman and his young son entered and sat beside them. The first gent, who knew the second, introduced them to the ladies. The newcomer, as it turned out, was a widower and, as luck would dictate, he was seated next to the widow. And, during the course of the game, they began paying more attention to each other than to the game. Six months later they were making wedding plans. And, about then, the widow learned her brother-in-law had reserved all five seats and made sure the widow and widower were seated next to each other.
Blind dates don't usually work out that well. Blind dates, in fact, are a quick way to find out how little your friends and relatives really know about your likes and dislikes.
The hardest thing in life may be learning which bridges like this to cross and which to burn. But, one shouldn't give up because, if one waits, all that is going to happen is that one gets older. When you are six or seven today is forever and tomorrow is never. But, when you are 60 or 70, tomorrow is yesterday before you even know it was today!
talk.
is a widow, she is sex starved and ready to jump into bed with ;the first man who askes
