I wrote this many years ago when I was young and callow. Unearthed in a recent files cleanup, I read it to someone who thought it still humorous. So, as Valentine's Day brings love messages to the fore once more, I decided to let you judge whether it is too curmudgeonly or merely truth-telling.
A man is like a lamp wick -trimmed many times before he finds the right flame!
I remember the first time I was trimmed. It was my mistake to think grass widows are green. This one knew all the answers, because she had had a chance to answer all the questions.
Things happened so fast I still don't know how they happened. We were out in the moonlight. I couldn't help thinking that this same moonlight made me think of a third degree, because it made me want to say things I was sure I would regret. And she led me on, into the parlor, being so confident of herself that she ensconced herself on the daveno, with one of the cushions on the floor at her feet.
Catching my breath, I asked her, "You mean you want me to abrogate all I have learned, ignore the power of analysis, eschew reason, deny my psychology training and tell you that I love you?"
She answered that all men were like corks, especially when it came to proposing to a lady. Some pop the question with just a little prying while others have to be drawn out. And her method of drawing out wasn't unique, but was effective. The sound of a kiss, I found, while not nearly as loud as a cannon report, still echoed a great deal longer.
I don't know how the talk got around to the topic of diamonds. She thought diamonds with facets brought out a lady's assets and were perfectly beautiful, if only she didn't have to make such a silly promise to get one. She didn't want to appear over-anxious though, I guess, so she added, "If I say 'no' now, you won't get angry with me and never ask me again, will you?"
She said it with a kiss, so I never really got to answer. But I knew an ending line when l heard it... and I've lived happily ever after.
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