In the largest such experiment ever conducted, the British Association for the Advancement of Science, in conjunction with LaughLab, judged 10,000 joke entries and the clear winner was the joke about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's famous fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his sidekick Dr. Watson going camping and pitching their tent under the stars.
During the night Holmes wakes Watson and says, "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce."
Watson says, "I see a million stars and, if even a few of them have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there, and there might also be life."
Holmes replies,. "Watson, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent."
The joke is not new, but newness was not a consideration in the judging. But it is easy to see that the judges might have been swayed by the famed British characters involved. While the situation is humorous, it probably would not make the top ten in the U.S.
For examples, take some of my favorites at random - all re-run fun, but just as good the second time around.
Re-generation
A young "punk' boards the cross-town bus. His hair is spiked in colors of green, purple and orange. His cargo shorts and jacket are tattered mixes of camo cloth. His legs are bare and he is barefoot. His face is riddled with jewelry piercings, complete with big bright feathers as earrings. He plops into the only vacant seat, which is directly across from an old man who glares at him through the next several stops.Eventually the punk becomes conscious of the old man's glare and barks, "What you lookin' at, you old goat? Ain't you never done anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yep. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I though maybe you might me my son!"
Shorted Sermon
The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.When the CEO returned from the big event he was furious with the employee. "What was the idea writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."
The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for." (Courtesy of Edward Phillips, The World's Best Business Jokes, Angus & Robertson, London)
Poor Timing
One Sunday morning after services one man complained to the priest that he felt there was a lack of friendliness among members of the congregation and that people seemed reluctant to greet one another in church. The priest agreed, but said he had a plan to change things.During services the following Sunday, the priest described this situation to the congregation and stated that the following Sunday "we will have a brief pause to allow parishioners to turn to those seated behind them and greet them with friendly hellos".
After the service the complainant turned around to the woman behind him and said, "Good morning."
She looked at him in shocked indignation. "That doesn't start until next Sunday!" she snapped. (J.C.M. in Reader's Digest)
Suits Him Right
Joe was suffering from terrific headaches. The doctor told him he could cure them, but it would require castration. "You have a rare condition that causes pressure to build up against your spine," the doctor explained. "This, in turn, causes headaches. The only cure is surgery."Joe was shocked, but the excruciating pain caused him to go ahead with the operation. When he left the hospital, he was depressed. He tried lifting his spirits by shopping for a new suit.
The salesman eyed him and said, "44 long, right?"
"That's right," Joe agreed. He tried on the suit and it fit perfectly.
"How about a new shirt to go with it?" asked the clerk. "About a 34 sleeve and 16 1/2 neck?"
"Right again," said Joe. "You're amazing."
"While you're here, why not get some new underwear too?" the salesman suggested. He eyed Joe's waist and said, "Size 36."
"No, you finally missed," Joe chuckled. "I wear size 34."
"You couldn't possibly," argued the salesman. "Underwear that tight would create a great deal of pressure against your spine and cause one heckuva headache." (Courtesy Bryan Eldring)
Perfect Prescription
A printer went to his doctor for a checkup. The doctor wrote him a prescription in his normal handwriting. The printer put it into his wallet, but neglected to have it filled. Instead, every morning for two years he showed it to the conductor as a railway pass. Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, once into a baseball park and once into a symphony concert.Then, one day he mislaid it at home.His daughter picked it up, played it on her harp and won a scholarship to a music conservatory!
Eggsact Response
"Sounds good," my wife said as she noted the special $1.99 breakfast menu of two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast, "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I will have to charge you $2.49 since you are ordering a la carte," the waitress warned.
"You mean I have to pay for NOT taking the eggs?", my wife asked in surprise. "Then I'll take the special."
"Then how do you want your eggs?" asked the waitress.
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home. (Courtesy Russ Jenkins)
Counterpoint
Greenbay quarterback Bart Starr came home one day before a big game, yelled at one of his children, spanked another and snapped at Cherry, his wife, for not getting some letters out in the mail.
Finally Cherry asked, "What is wrong with you? I've never seen you so edgy."
"I've got a jillion things to do," Bart shouts back, "and I've got to find time to get to a banquet in Appleton tonight too."
"What kind of a banquet?" asks Cherry.
Still in a foul mood, Bart growls, "Oh, I'm receiving a 'nice guy' award." (Courtesy Jerry Kramer, Instant Replay, Sports Illustrated)
Don''t you agree my choices are funnier?
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