R. Loeffelbeins whatchama column: "The Continuing Evolution of Language:

     It 's been said "language evolves organically", but individuals have created languages of their own, hoping to devise a universal tongue by which all cultures might communicate. This doesn't include such  fads as Pig Latin and Double Dutch, which I remember as early childhood attempts at coding language so as to foil parental understanding. I have no idea how or when or where either of those got started, though both are just complex enough not to have been invented by the children who favored them.
    On the other hand, we have Volapuk and Esperanto.
     Volapuk (properly spelled with an umlaut over the u) was devised in 1879 by a German priest named Johann Martin Schleyer. He claimed the idea came from a vision of the Tower of Babel and a little divine inspiration.
     Esperanto was introduced by  L.I. Zamenhof in 1887. From it came a language called Ido (the Esperanto word for "child") and another called Interlingua.
     Also in the 1800s a poet and minister, named William Barnes, attacked the English language, trying to make it "Englisher". He wondered what the English language would look like if it was stripped of all Latin and Greek "root" words. (Check your dictionary to be surprised how many there are!) Some of his substitute words, produced in his "Pure English" dictionary, made perfect sense while others produced chuckles and still others needed translating for understanding.
     The substitute word for "photograph", from Greek words meaning "light" and "writing", he thought should be "sunprint". That makes sense. See what you make of some of his other substitutes.

Anniversary would become "year-day".
Affirmative would become "ayesome".
Alienate - "unfrenden".
Botany - "wortlore".
Conscience - "inwit".
Contrary - "thwartsome".
Democracy - "folkdom".
Divisible- "sundersome".
Dictionary - "word-book".
Negative - "naysome".
Opposites - "overthwartings".
Quality - "suchness".
Quantity - "muchness".

     We often don't realize that many words we use are 100 years old, like the above. For example, here is a little surprising list Reader's Digest compiled that date back to 1917: advertorial, chowhound, cootie, gaga, lounge lizard, pep pill and even the abbreviation OMG!
     Since then the sciences have probably coined the most new words. And the military has likewise been word-active. But the most useful general usage words have probably come from authors and writers for newspapers and magazines. Just to remind you of some you've probably forgotten the birth of Reader's Digest has come to our aid again.
     "Nerd" came from Dr. Seuse in the 1950s when he named one of his oddlball creatures that in "If I Ran the Zoo". "Twitter", long before Google utilized it, came from Geoffrey Chaucer, indicating someone "carping continually". "Yahoos", likewise, did not originate with Google, but with Jonathan Swift in "Gulliver's Travels", though the term then indicated  "the dregs of humankind". "Flummox" came from Charles Dickens' "Pickwick Papers" and "boredom" from his "Bleak House". John Milton coined "pandemonium" in "Paradise Lost", H.G. Wells first used "atom bomb" in his 1914 novel "The World Set Free", and Lewis Carroll invented "chortle" and "galumph" in his nonsense poem "Jabberwocky".
     And new words keep coming after all this time. One I love is "tyrunt", indicating a child who bosses everyone around. A useful term in our burgeoning digital world is "fidgetal", indicating one continually fidgeting with his phone or whatever. Both are borne courtesy of Lizzie Skurnick in "That Should Be A Word".
     Reddit.com offers the term "cellfie" to replace "mug shot" and "dogtor" for "veterinarian". Jennifer Braunschweiger, in a piece titled "Lessons In Beauty" in Fast Company Magazine (April 2017), came up with "incentivizing", meaning rewarding loyal customers by varied means. And Gary Hallock, who has been producing and hosting the O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships for 26 years, termed competitors "punslingers".
     Now, to put all the foregoing into perspective, the Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary I have used since 1996 - thus already 21 years old - encompasses 2229 pages. What is it going to look like in another 20 years?

R. Loeffelbein's WHATCHAMA COLUMN: "Smile Awhile With Me"

     I love well crafted jokes. And these I have collected are so crafted they appear to be short-short stories, with surprise endings.

     John, fresh out of college with high grades in accounting courses, went for interview for a well-paying job. The interview went well, consisting of questions about both his background and his education. One final question was "What is three times seven?"
     "22," quickly replied a surprised John. The interviewer sadly shook his head.
     John, once outside the interview room, checked his calculator and frowned, knowing he wouldn't get the job.
     But a week later he received a call telling him he was hired for the job. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he joyfully accepted and said he would report for work the next day.
     When he got to work the next day, he had to ask how he had gotten the job after getting such a simple question wrong.
     His new boss shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Well, you were the closest!"

     A very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche Turbo in front of his office to show it off to colleagues. As he reached to open the door to embark a truck came barreling down the street, weaved toward the car and tore the door off.
     Fortunately, a police cruiser saw the accident and pulled up behind the ravaged Porsche. Before the cop could ask a single question the lawyer was in his face screaming about his new Porsche being wrecked and the truck not even stopping. As he finally wound down, the cop held up a hand to stop the torrent .
     "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said, shaking his head. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't think of the more important things "
     "How can you say such a thing?" yelled the lawyer    
     "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing, along with the door?" the cop answered in disbelief.
     The lawyer glanced down and screamed, "Oh, my God! My Rolex!"

     A big-shot businessman, who had to spend a couple days in the hospital, was a royal pain to the nurses. He bossed them around just as he did his employees. Only the head nurse could stand up to him. She walked into his room and told him she had to take his temperature. He grumbled and crossed his arms, but opened his mouth.
     "Sorry," the nurse said. "But for this reading I can't use an oral thermometer."
     He grumbled some more, but turned onto his stomach and bared his backside. After inserting the thermometer the nurse said, "I have to get something. You stay still until I get back."
     She must have left the door open on her way out and he cursed under his breath as he heard people laughing as they passed by his door.
     Eventually the doctor noticed the open door and came in. "What's going on?" he asked.
     "Can't you tell when someone is having their temperature taken?" the patient growled.
     After a pause, the doctor replied, "Yes, of course, but never with a daffodil!"

     You DID smile, didn't you?)